Next Step, Moving On

[dorightman]

little GTO, thank you so much for taking the time to read my sitch and for your advice!

I really have been struggling with whether I should move out or not. My w has been pressuring me and threatening me to move out for 6 months. She has been telling me that because I didn't move out 6 months ago, I missed the window of opportunity for R. (Now it's too late!)

I have had a half a dozen emotional breaks in that time. I have been trying my best to detach, struggling with it really.

All of my friends & family have been telling me to move out & move on, for me and for my family. My w keeps telling me I should be with someone that can love me properly because she can't.

She has said that one of her biggest problems with our R is that I don't hear her. That it's always been about me and she has been unhappy for most of our M of 10 years. Thats why she says the first step for me to prove to her that I really love her is to hear her and that means the first step now is to move out because thats what she wants. Without that step, she feels its more of the same...

As time went on, she became more aggressive in getting me to move out and last Nov. began using words like harassment and domestic abuse.

I got scared she was going to call the cops and have me removed from our house, so I started sleeping at a friends and coming back to the house during the days to care for our puppy and spend time with our children (6 & 9).

Now she says she's done and wants a D because of how I reacted to the sitch.

Her parents are D attorneys and she's been getting legal advice the whole time, so Im sure she has been manipulating me to get what she wants. She has recordings of our daughter calling her cell and saying she's scared because daddy is upstairs yelling ( when I had an emotional breakdown in our house one night).

She has two girlfriends who I talked to about our sitch who will be her witnesses that I acted emotionally in front of them and our kids.

I'm not sure how far she would go to get me out, but she's definitely threatened the worst.

I agree with you, Bond, and Stander that if she wants out, she should be the one to go, but I love her and I want to save our M. I feel like if I don't go, there will be absolutely no chance of R. I also feel that at this point if i go, there still is no more chance of R, because she told me that.

So now, it feels like damage control. The outcome will most likely be D no matter what, so I need to put the kids first and I feel guilt knowing that w will take the kids with her if she really moves out. I don't want them to have to leave their home. I also don't want to start a legal battle with w because she has unlimited and free legal advice and I don't have enough money to win a legal battle.

I don't want a legal battle at all, and w has agreed to do everything out of court through mediation. She doesn't want it either, but has said that if I don't do what she wants, she will start the legal battle and as a man, I know it won't work out well for me.

I'am on the edge of the cliff of moving out now. I have signed the renters agreement and all I have to do is give the realtor 2 months rent.

I will see a L on friday to find out my rights.

I will give her space and validate her feelings if she initiates a conversation about R. Right now she thinks Im gonna rent a place and move out, so she's calmed down. But, she's already seen me go back on my word to move out and she doesn't trust anything i say at this point because I've teetered between staying and going many times.

My DB coach told me to drop the rope because its a tug of war. She told me to look for an apt together, show acknowledgment. She feels that me moving out may not be the wrong decision in my case.

I feel conflicted to the max!