The Waiting is the Hardest Part

[ForeverYoung]

Thanks Tori, T^2, and Delboy. I agree that when she was sick would have been a bad time to bring up/ask questions about the marriage, so I never did. Instead I only showed a PMA and acted as pleasant as I could.

I guess I felt so hurt because the intense time together on our 5 day getaway really drove home how she feels about us. Physical contact has been totally cut off, and emotional contact is down to almost the bare minimum required to civilly coexist.

It doesn't even seem to matter if I try to connect, or pull away, nothing I do shows any progress. I do know I could easily make things worse though, so somehow I buck up and soldier on... for now.

Now that we're back home on our normal schedules, I feel better. Still not sure how to proceed though. Maybe what I do doesn't even matter.

She sure has her issues deep inside though. Loves the song "Creep" by Radio Head.

I wish I was special
You're so f'n special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f'n special
I wish I was special

She sang to this while doing dishes tonight. Afterwards I came close to asking her if she thought she was special, but held back. Could anything good have come out of doing that?

It's pretty obvious I feel I need to do or say something. I fear that the longer I hold it in the more I'll explode eventually. I think I favor the hand written letter. But you bring up a great point Tori... am I prepared for the answer? I soon may be.

On the positive side she's been reading a book called "Women, Food and God", so it seems she may be working on something inside that pained soul of hers. Is it safe for me to ask her about this?

Will I still be there when she figures it out?

I will continue to build up my GAL. Thanks for the support, all!