And it could be something totally different. Try to let go of all that mindreading and just be who you want to be. You're only the victim if you decide to be.
Figure out what your boundaries are and maintain them. You don't have to be angry or vindictive or a doormat but you do need to be in control or your emotions.
This is difficult but you can do it. The first step is getting out of her mind.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
No you haven't. You chose to see the positives in your M and worked with what you had. It was your choice to engage. You had and have the power to do what YOU want. Each time you went through a challenge you learned something. Time to get that straight.
Floyd - I know you feel used and hurt right now but later in life you'll look back at this and know just how strong you were through it all. You've learned a lot with this experience and your kids respect you. No matter what happens you fought for your M and your family and those are noble acts and will be ultimately rewarded. Your W chose her path and there's nothing you can do about it. Grieve as long as you need, protect yourself and your kids, and never act out of revenge. Take time for yourself to clear your head and stay in the word. No regrets, you did all you could do and you never gave up and for that you have my respect. We're here for you buddy. Stay strong
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Thanks Bug and Spartan. I don't know what else to say. I am hurt yes, and disgusted quite honestly. Yes, she did choose her path, and will be doing so with what I built and earned. Yes, I know that is a victim statement. Time to suck it up and walk? Is there anything I can do?
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
Do you have a DB coach FM? Now might be a good time for that.
Probably not much you can do at this point to "win her back." That is ok. What you can do is focus on detaching. It's hard but you can do it. My DB coach told me that I needed to let go of all the anger and resentment that I had towards my H and you should probably try to do that too. It will be best for you and girls in the long run, even though it feels good to hate W right now.
Sorry to hear about this latest turn of events.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
^^^ Agree. now more than ever you have to let the anger go and the resentment. I know it will be hard, but I also echo OPs when they say you will look back and marvel at how strong you were. Time to retain a good L if you don't have one, for the ensuing custody conversations.
You can also re iterate to wife that this is not what you want, and although you will not actively help her in this process, neither will you hinder it.
