Cake-Eating..I just don't understand

[rosesarered]

It has been a while since I last posted. I have been traveling for work. Finally had another discussion with H about how things are going. I apologized for my comments when I had my backslide a few weeks ago.

He said that I was mean that night and it took me 3 weeks to aplologuize. I at first listened to what he had to say. Then I couldn’t help it. I said I am aploguizing now. I explained that this was my anger coming out. I said, you never apologuized for some of the cruel things he said to me. He think he has apologized. He never apologized. I don't think he remembers some of the cruel things he said to me.
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He says he is not angry at me anymore. Still loves me as a friend and cares for me but doesn’t feel anything more than that. Doesn’t want to lead me to false hope.
Thinks I am different and trying too hard. I asked if I was doing anything right. He just said that I am trying too hard. I agreed that in the past I had the wrong priorities and now I have the rights ones. I said that I wouldn’t give up and I would continue to try. He also made a comment that it makes him realize that he sees what he missed out on a few years ago.

He only wants to come home every night because of the kids.
He says that he doesn’t believe that I understand how deeply I hurt him. He claims there is no one else that he is interested in.

He said several times that he would come back but would live with unhappiness. I explained that I only want him when he wants to come back.

He says he feels very guilty for being gone, doesn’t want to abandon me and the kids. Wishes he could be here for us. Likes his lone time.

Said twice that he still loves me but just doesn’t feel the same way.
Is this the MLC speaking. He really has come along way in the mLC tunnel. He doesn't appear angry anymore. I don’t know if he is searching inside him enough to relize that happiness comes within. He keeps saying that he is just trying to find happiness. I did say that happiness comes within.

Now what..
He seems to have settled down now. He is so much calmer now.
I asked him what his intensions were, he just doesn’t know. Made a comment, that we haven’t had a marriage in 2 years.

I have to go to FL April for work so I get a cheap hotel on the beach. He said that he wouldn't say no for now. That we could talk about it. I think he just feels guilty.