TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

I've had a feeling the last couple of days which got even stronger after reading 25's recent reply to Big Bruce. She really is of great value to this board.
Even though directed at BB it gave me some good insight to my own sitch as well.
I stood my ground on my hobbies and said beforehand I wouldn't give them up. She said she understood. Still, that didn't give me a free pass. I should have taken it down a notch, and been more available/present.

The feeling I have is that I'm struggling. Key word : communication.
My intentions are in the right place, yet I struggle to get in the mindset I need to communicate better. I know I will be ok either way this sitch turns out, but I really want to grow regardless of outcome!

We've had some phone calls, texts and Spent one hour together(w/S2). Face to face things are good, but often when she calls she is angry.
One of her complaints(180) has been that I don't listen enough. On the phone she got really angry and said I didn't listen. I replied to what she said so obviously I was.
Don't get me wrong I have always been a bad listener, which I am working on, but this was more like negative enforcment from her side("see why I left you?!)

She talked about quitting jobs and going on social security checks. (She used to hate healthy people doing that.) She changed it to quitting jobs to go to school again. I replied that it's far better than giving up and sitting back, and that she would get an opportunity to get proper education. IDK, I just feel I come off as patronizing. And I have been in the R as well. Shared little economy, bought an appartment for us w/o her, didn't act on many complaints she had, so forth.

I guess I need some tools for this.
She complained about phone/computer/gaming as well, and I've kept those to an absolute minimum as long as S is around. The problem is however communication/interaction skills.
I'm in the process of findng a C/therapist. Most have long waiting lists. Any suggestions to male vs female? One issue I believe is my R to my mother over the years.

Been sick on/off since December so GAL has been limited, but have had several get-togethers with people I don't usually hang out with. 180 for me.
Have plans for GAL as soon as I get well. Soul.Searching got me on the idea of water park/aquarium with S, bit of a travel but absolutely worth it.