Of course this is the Old "I'll just be friends with her..." that won't work to actually end this. He admitted to me that he spoke to her the day after he ended it. He said he knows how much keeping her as a FB friend hurts me and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he isn't willing to defriend her right now.
He's cake-eating, keeping his options open. Try being more firm with him, tell him you need a bigger commitment than that. If he's truly willing to work on the M then he should be willing to give you full access to his phone and email.
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He is sleeping in our bed, willing to try to end this relationship and is scared of losing me.
Then he needs to show that through his actions.
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But...now I am just flipping back and forth between "GET OUT!" and regrouping and getting back to DBing. Detach, not focus on him...ahhhh.
Stick with the DB'ing until he comes around, and even then some of the DB'ing techniques are healthy to continue even in marriage.
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Ok, so I just scoured some of the recent posts. This announcement he made to end the affair, and his waffling has really just gotten me to take 10 steps back. We fought for 2 days, he slept on the couch saturday night.
Why the fighting? Just calmly tell him what your boundaries are. There's no need to fight over it. If he doesn't agree to your boundaries then tell him he's not ready to work on the marriage and you'll give him the space to think things over.
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1. STOP talking about our relationship.
2.Only talk to IC or my friend Sarah, NO OTHER PEOPLE.
3. DETACH!!
Great stuff, stick to it!!
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-sleeping in the same bed -husband showing more affection -telling me he loves me -ML and him not getting upset after -Asked me out on a date -Going away for a weekend in 3 weeks -willingness to end affair -sees a future for us -says he is starting to fall back in love
Those are fantastic signs!! Try not to have big expectations about it though, just keep up with your DB'ing and allow things to unfold as they will.
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I mean, it's only been 2 months since Dday and only 5 days since he said he wanted to end this affair.
Yes, that's a very short timeline. So take it slow. Don't be impatient. Expect him to backslide and distance himself, it's going to happen so don't be surprised. Don't pursue him, give him time and space.
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So I'm just going to keep doing this like it's a part of my journal. Maybe one day someone will comment.
Once you're off moderation then when you post your thread will go to the top of the forum. While you're on moderation it stays several pages back and not many people see it.
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I've read a bunch of another stander's posts & get a lot out of what you say!
Thank you!
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For 4 days before he cut it off, we was affectionate, loving, etc. since then, he has withdrawn.
I just mentioned above to expect that, it's the distance/ pursuit dynamic. Don't worry about it, it'll happen.
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He'll be leaving tomorrow night for his guys weekend, so I'll have plenty of time away from him. Bottom line, DBing, GALing, 180's and I'm not going to say anything. I really don't know if I want to save this marriage, and I don't know that I don't. So focus on me, and my choices will be shown.
Good, that's a great attitude!!
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NO MORE LOOKING AT HIS PHONE! I don't trust him, so why hurt myself anymore.
Well don't sneak looks, but you need to get to the point where he's transparent with that and is willing to let you look.
