Hello everyone. Kind of new here. I have been reading other posts and ordered my copy of DR and waiting for it to arrive in the mail. This post is kind of long but I feel as though I need to get this back story in so that the advice of others can be given appropriately. So here it goes: We are a blended family of 8. W(35), me(34), SD(16), S(12)ADD, S(10), SD(9), D(7)ADHD, D(5). My wife and I met online 6 years ago and we instantly fell in love so much so that believe it or not we got married 6 weeks later. I knew she was the one after being in previous relationships and she felt the same way too. We had never been married before either just to add that information. Unfortunately during the 6 years we have been together I lost my job as a truck driver during the 1st year of marriage and was forced to take a low paying job and thus went into a depression that I did not get taken care of professionally. It was during that time which was right around the holidays that I had a physical affair with a coworker, I can try and blame it on the depression but ultimately I knew what I was doing and I take the blame 100%. My wife was willing to forgive me and take me back. Shortly after taking me back my wife and I went to marriage counseling. My wife didn't really like the counselor, not sure why, but she helped us somewhat get back on track. During this time my 3 kids lived with their mother and my wife and I got them every weekend. Well during the summer of 2008, my kids mother decided that she wanted to invest more time in other men than the kids and soon had the kids over my house 4-6 days at a time, then 1-1.5 weeks, until one day she asked if I could keep them for 2 weeks and I told her no that if she wants me to take them for an extended period time that I wanted custody of them and she can see them on the weekends. Basically reverse the custody agreement. Well it took her 3 days to think it over and she did give me custody. Then she took off out of the kids’ life for 2 years. During this 2 years my wife did the best job she could not only being a step-mom but just being a mom overall to my 3 kids. Well 2 years later my kids’ mom came back into the picture and now wanted her visitation and even took me to court which she won because she is the (biological) mom. Now keep in mind my kids’ mother hates m wife, never liked her since day 1, and now that the kids had bonded with her made that hate even more powerful. So not only would she feed into the kids trash talking but she would also tell them not to call her mom (which the kids did on their own). When my wife would confront me on this I would just tell her that bio-mom is just being immature and to just forget about it. Fast forward to last year 2011. My job would have quarterly prizes for its employees which was a trip to Hawaii. Well a co-worker (yes of the opposite sex, and yeah you know where this is going to go kind of) said she was going to nominate me to get that award. Well that co-worker had a death in the family before she could nominate me and took time off from work. Since I never got nominated we would joke back and forth through Google chat how cool it would have been to go on the trip. Now my wife has never been on a plane so I mentioned this to a coworker half jokingly that I would of needed to find someone else to go with since I am not sure my wife would step on a plane. Well the coworker mentioned she got a new bikini for the summer and then the next thing I know this co-worker is sending me pictures. Now I should have been a REAL man and put a halt to it right from the bat but I was excited and intrigued by the pictures. So she kept sending more and more pics. Nothing physical ever came out of it but it was still an emotional thing which is just as bad if not more. So as a way to prove to my wife that I there was nothing going on physically I became super transparent. And even quit my job to go back to trucking, unfortunately since it had been 5 years since I last drove I would need to basically take whatever is available which my wife understood. Well the job I had I would leave Sunday nights and be home Tuesday Morning, then go back out Wednesday night and home Friday morning. So that meant I was not home at all Mondays and Thursdays, that also meant she was responsible for all 6 kids as well. Now during the weekends that my 3 kids would go to their moms house which was every other weekend. She would feed the kids head with they don’t have to listen to my wife since she is only step mom and if she ever tries to discipline you its child abuse since she is only step mom. Well one Thursday while at work, I get a call from my wife saying that she is done watching the kids and when I get back I need to find someone else o watch them. She would not explain what happened until I got home the next day and after she got out of work. So Friday morning I tried asking my son what happened and he gave me 1/2 the story. So when my wife came home from work she asked me if I heard what happened and she told me that is only half of the story. The other half is that when she went to discipline my oldest son (11) he was fighting her and left a bruise on her arm, thus why she is done watching them. Now I thought maybe she just said that in anger and since I was off until Sunday night it would blow over. Well Saturday night she asked me about going to a pro football game and I told her that I wanted to see a winning team, so she mentioned she would just go with her daughters then. When I asked when the game was she mentioned it was on a Thursday. Well I asked how that is going to work since I will be at work, and then she hit me with the "I told you I'm not watching your kids anymore". Well needless to say I got angry and told me kids to put on their shoes and we left the house to go to my parent’s house to cool off. Well I didn't cool off and after she sent me a text of where did I go, I sent 2 text messages that I would come to regret. 1)Why don't you just go and refi the house into your name only. 2) I think we should separate. no clue why I did that, I know I was still angry and angry for something stupid when I think about it, I was angry with my wife and didn't value her feelings on the whole thing. Well a day and a half later I tried to go back home and apologize and kiss butt and then she dropped the bomb, She told me that she thinks that we should separate and gave me the "ILYBNILWY" and also the fact that we haven't been intimate for awhile not only because of our conflicting schedule but also because when she lays in bed with me she can’t help but think about how I was with another woman 5 years ago. Well I was floored by all of this and went back to my parent’s house and have been here for the past 2.5 months with my 3 kids, while she and her 2 daughters and our daughter live at the house.. I have made all the stupid mistakes of begging, pleading, and tried reasoning with her and she gave me the whole. I need time and space to think and you’re smothering me and pushing me further away. It was also during this time that she soon started spending extra time with her oldest daughters dad who she has been friendly with throughout the past 6 years but their convos had always been "Hi/Bye, what time are you picking her up/dropping her off" well now they text each other/hang out all the time. I also made the stupid mistake of trying to explain that she was having an emotional affair too even if she didn't want to admit it and kept saying they were "just friends" and have always had this special bond between them. So I know some of you will say I struck out and got what I deserved. By strike 1) having a physical affair 5 years ago. Strike 2) having an emotional affair last year but strike 3) by leaving the house that night and suggesting a separation/refi of the house. But I will say that I am truly remorseful for my actions and want to reconcile my marriage. I am currently seeking anger management counseling since I can sometimes go from 0-60 in a heartbeat since I don’t deal with issues right away and let them boil over. I have never been physically abusive. I also am seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed me with klonopin for anxiety/bi polar since my wife thinks I am bipolar with the way I act. I trust her opinion since she is bi-polar herself and has been on medication for about 16 years now. I also started seeing a marriage counselor as well for individual counseling and my wife came 1 time with me on dec 26th but told him she only did it because she promised me she would come once. She has to my knowledge seen him 1 more time like 3 weeks ago to get things off her chest, but didn’t tell me what it was they discussed or anything.
