Question for you - in an earlier post you mentioned the 5 Languages of Love. I actually already had the book (probably should have read it after we got married, wonder why someone gave us the book as a gift lol). So my husband needs Words of Affirmation, this is his language. It's awful hard to praise someone when right now all they are doing is messing up your world, know what I mean?
Yes, because it's what I had to do as well. But suck it up and do it. Keep in mind what your goal is (to save the marriage). If what you're doing brings you closer to that goal then it's a no-brainer.
As Mr. Bond said, you don't have to be sappy/ overly emotional about it. My W's PLL is also WoA. An example of how I fill that- she comes over to my house every morning to get the kids off to school, even on the weeks I have them. In return I pick them up in the afternoon, but nevertheless, she is going out of her way to do this. So I've told her "I want you to know how much I appreciate your getting the kids ready each morning, and I know they appreciate getting to spend the extra time with you, you're really a great mother to them." So there are ways of offering WoA without it being pursuit.
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Mostly he wants praise for all of his music ventures - well, sorry, I'm not going to get all crazy telling you how great your music is and happy that practice went well etc when music is STILL more important than our family.
Don't take this personally, but shame on you. It's apparently the most important thing in his life, so it is EXACTLY the area you should be offering him WoA in. You want his passion as part of your marriage, not something you want to beat him up over. Would I condone him spending all his time doing that at the expense of the family? Not at all, but if that's what he's doing, these things can be negotiated in a healthy marriage. Unfortunately right now your M isn't healthy, so you've got to set aside your anger over this. Learn to embrace it and give him WoA for it. If and when he shows interest in reconciling, then is the time to negotiate a compromised schedule that gets him home more.
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You are completely right about relationships with the opposite sex. I dn't feel like I had intentions - but then again, these relationships are part of what got H and I to where we are, I wasn't happy about who he was talking with. In hind sight, I was probably just trying to retaliate against him. But at any rate, I knew I shouldn't have been talking with the guy and it's over now.
Good, this is exactly the kind of introspection I was hoping you'd apply to the comment, job well done Now do the same with the comment above about the music!
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Dr. Phil would have a hey day with all of this....
Now do the same with the comment above about the music!
