This is more of a general question and I am sure somewhere it has been answered in this discussion group. I'm still reading Michelle's books and it is probably answered there too.
But anyway, I'm curious. What makes a WAS become cold and distant? In my case, my WAW dropped the divorce bomb and immediately went from being warm and pleasant to cold, distant, and even nasty. We still live in the same house, so I have had a chance to see it first-hand.
At first I thought she just hated me, but now I think it is something deeper. This seems to be a common thread across this board and I'm just curious as to what the psychology behind this behavior is???
There isn't one answer for your question. Sometimes it is a way to not have to have to talk about the relationship and sometimes there is another motive. Whatever it is, I know it is very difficult to deal with. If you aren't speaking to a DB coach yet, please consider it. They are experts in helping you figure out what is really going on in your situation and then how to respond to it so that you bring the person closer and not push them any further away. Please call me for further details. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Haddrianus, it is their way of protecting themselves and carrying out their plan. It is the way they deal with what they have decided to do. They raise this wall so as not to feel anything and move forward. Remember they too face the loss of all they once knew and it is painful. So don't take it personally. They project onto you everything that is bad. They can't think or see anything good about you or the M. When you hear detach that is what they are doing. That is what the LBS must learn to do without the nasty piece. Detach eomtionally. You do this by GALing alot.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Yes, the WAS has detached from you. Also to protect their detachment and their state of mind, they will start to see things in 180 degrees from normal.
A WAS will be hypercritical of you and impossible to please. They will find everything wrong with you, and your emotion or grasping for connection will disgust them.
As they go about their affairs, with each act, with time spent with the affair partner their priority and time is being spent and grown with the other person.
So you may find it hard to believe it happens so fast, but just realize from the experience on this board that it does.
But anyway, I'm curious. What makes a WAS become cold and distant? In my case, my WAW dropped the divorce bomb and immediately went from being warm and pleasant to cold, distant, and even nasty. We still live in the same house, so I have had a chance to see it first-hand.
Yeah, that's frustrating, isn't it? My W did that for a while (about a week I think) and then later said she couldn't do it anymore, that I didn't deserve it. I asked her why she had done it to begin with and she said she thought it would help me realize how serious she was and move on. She said that she was afraid if she treated me nice I would "get the wrong idea". I assured her I understood she was leaving whether she treated me nice or not, and she did start treating me nice again.
AnotherStander it really is frustrating. I actually found this part harder to deal with than the actual divorce itself. I understand that she wants a divorce and I was initially willing to be her partner through the process, but after a while I really started to hate her for the way she was treating me.
Anyway the good thing is she is beginning to thaw out and I am beginning to like her again. At the very least we may walk away from this process as friends.
