I just happened to see that someone I thought was a friend liked OW's post on H's wall. It's their four month anniversary today. So I guess he's busy celebrating an anniversary, but it's not ours.
This "friend" is actually someone I work with who only met H because I had him work an event with us years ago. I don't think they've even seen each other since. She knows that we're separated, so I think it's really rude of her to like that post.
happy 4 months baby:) i know things arent always easy and we do fight..but i love everything about us..:) i love that when im sick you heat up a blanket in the dryer just to keep me warm..i love that you can get so into the shows i watch because you want to be near me..i love that we can even go to bingo 3 times in a week and still have a blast...i love how our life has started to mold into a life together♥ i couldnt have asked for a better MAN in my life...screw fairy tales i have something way better:) and i have you to thank for that...i love you my (H's middle name)♥
I do have to say, she's great with public WOA and I wasn't. At least she's using better grammar now. And it shouldn't bother me, but he's still married. And he hasn't filed for D. Even if I did send him a happy anniversary text, he might not realize that I meant us.
Did he really have to start dating on the same day of the month? I found out after their one month anniversary and had hopes that they wouldn't make it to four so I wouldn't have to see this.
At this point, I don't even know if he could change enough for me to want him back. He's been so public with this girl that I really don't know if I could trust him to choose me and stick with that choice.
It shouldn't bother me, but I want to be able to move on too. I still haven't looked at his page, so god knows what's on there, but it's not fair that he has another relationship and I'm sticking with my vows until I'm divorced. If he were acting like a man he'd end one relationship before he'd begin another.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
H's response-- Happy 4 months my Love! People worth having in your life don’t always come easy and I love that we have so much passion for each other! I take care of you because I care about you and I also know that you do the same for me. I’ve never had anyone do the things you do for me and know that I do see that! And of course I have a blast at bingo! You’re next to me! Otherwise, it would just be me playing bingo with the AARP! We ARE molding a great life together, an unbreakable one I’m sure! I don’t know about fairy tales but I do know that the woman of my dreams, the one that never had a face but knew exactly how to treat me and how to love me, now has a face and now is no longer a dream! I have YOU to thank for that!!! You’re my friend and my love, I live for us, and you…. I love you my OW! Your (H's middle name)
Oh man, he needs to file right away. Seriously, even if he changed his mind and deleted all this cr@p from his page, so many of our friends and family can see this.
And I'm annoyed that my "friend" had to like it so that it would show up on my page.
I know that there are a few people on here who are reconciling, but did their spouses ever have an OP that they were so public about? It just feels like a slap in the face.
Whenever they became "serious" he should have filed the papers. I'd like to have someone in my life who is in love with me too. "the woman of his dreams, who never had a face?" I am so annoyed.
I know that they rewrite history, but to do it so publicly?
I had my father leave my mom just over two years ago (just got divorced a month ago, but dad's still fighting over stuff) and six months after that started H had his BD. The two men that I trusted completely have shaken my trust. I'm not even sure if I'd be able to trust someone in a relationship.
Yet again, I think I'm doing okay, and then I get upset over something. I really do think I'm done. I'm ready for him to pay off his debts, figure out the tax situation and file the papers, so that I can move on completely in the next couple of months.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
SBR - I'm sure the more experienced posters on here could pull them FB statuses to shreds! I'm no psychologist but I can see straight thru her status and its aimed squarely at trying to get at you(?) his response is generic and its something OW is expecting so she can roll around in it!
I know you say he needs to file straight away but do you think your strong enough to do it? It's a last throw of the dice and a bomb drop for him but I bet a month of Sundays it will be like throwing a huge firework into their R! Its risky and something you will have to see to the end but if your 100% done then consider it?
Ref your 'friend' I would act like normal towards them but if they bring up the R or M issue I'd politely say 'I'd prefer not to talk to you about it'. This whole thing is hard, really really hard! I'm still dealing with a WAW (poss OM but not confirmed just a hunch) so I'm miles behind your Sitch and I don't know how I will deal with it but, a big but your better than this.
As they say in London Town, use your Loaf of Bread!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
I think it's funny that they're starting a life together when her family knows nothing about him, his family has never met her and she's only met SS a few times over the summer.
And this friend is really more of a work acquaintance. I always knew that I really couldn't trust her, so I don't confide in her at all, but she recently had a cheating boyfriend that she broke up with, so you think she'd be a little more sympathetic.
And if it weren't for her, I'd never have seen this post. Since the 1 month anniversary I have stopped looking at his page because it just upsets me. I know SIL has blocked his posts from automatically showing up on her page because she didn't want to see OW's lovey dovey postings.
At this point, I think I would file, except that he has the do it yourself divorce papers and I really don't want to pay the $250 or so filing fee, especially since he still owes me around $3,000. If I weren't going to grad school, I might just write it off, but I really do need the money.
His bonus is supposed to come in February and that's when he says he'll have enough money to take care of everything, so I think I'm going to try and wait until then to text/email and find out when I should expect it. That's only a week or so away, so I'll try to be patient.
"use your loaf of bread?" I haven't heard that saying, so I guess I'll have to google it.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
lol - sorry its Cockney rhyming slang (<google) in a sentence it would be 'Use you Loaf of bread' = head! I'll stick to the Queens English!
It might be wise not to rock the boat until H gets the bonus but please don't rely on the money after all you are dealing with forces out of your control!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
SBR- detachment is all about not giving a s**t when your H does something, even if it's really stupid like that. You're detached when nothing he does or says affects your PMA. So how detached are you?
I'm obviously not detached at all, I guess! Honestly, it wouldn't bother me if we were divorced. I wouldn't be happy, but we wouldn't be together.
And maybe if he'd filed and we were just waiting for the process, which should only take 60 days in Texas, I could still deal with it.
It's just that he's "making a new life" without taking any of the steps to end the married life that he already has. Back in December he said he'd try to file earlier if I "needed to move on" and had already found someone.
I had responded that he'd already moved on so it was the right thing to do. I don't feel right about going on a date when I'm still married.
Ever since I was small, my father would give me a hard time about wanting life to be fair. I'm a Libra, so I guess I just think things should even out.
And I know a lot of it is them just trying to convince themselves that everything is great, but the fact that our family and friends see this really bothers me.
I guess I'm just ready to have the freedom to look for a new relationship too. I'm not expecting, or at this point, even hoping to recover my marriage.
I was always so concerned that I would hurt him, because he was so sweet, that I can't come to terms with how he's behaving. And I'm not sure if I could ever trust him again.
And after someone so publicly tells the world that this OW is the one who knows how to love him and treat him, he's completely discounting the years we had together.
At this point, I am ready to be divorced, get our tax situation straightened out, and have his debt paid off so that I can move on. It's not how I would have wanted it, but I think it's the best option right now.
And please, everyone, don't let me even open up fb on Valentine's day.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Wow, SBR, I can't believe your H's actions! How could he post that on FB? I actually know the answer: he's blinded to reality and rationalizing his actions. In his head, he's not married anymore. Know that you're not alone.
You said, "I'm not even sure if I'd be able to trust someone in a relationship." You've had two huge disappointments in a short time period. Give yourself time to heal--as much as you need.
Re: filing. If you're ready, then do it, but make sure you're really ready. Your H could still "wake up" but you might need to wait a long time for that to happen. Ask yourself if you have the strength to be patient.
I know that it's really their attempt to convince each other (and the world) that everything is great, but it's annoying.
What can they be fighting over? I know a lot of it is me, but I don't contact him except about money, so I can't help it if she's jealous of me. I'm not going to stop being awesome because my H is having a MLC.
Somehow, in his head, he thinks we're not really married. My state doesn't even have legal separation, so we're definitely still married.
And to be "legally separated", wouldn't that mean that some sort of legal document was filed? He hasn't done anything except finally look over the do it yourself divorce forms he got back in May.
I guess he just thinks he can get his own place and move on just like he did with previous girlfriends. If only it were that easy.
I think it's really just bothering me because I want the chance to have a family and I'm worried that if I wait to long, even if I do find a great guy, I won't be able to have kids.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Somehow, in his head, he thinks we're not really married. My state doesn't even have legal separation, so we're definitely still married.
He may think like I do. In my mind, there are 3 "levels" of marriage. There's the mental component which I feel W broke at BD. Then there's the spiritual component that was broken when W moved out. Lastly there's the legal component which in my opinion is the least important as it's just a piece of paper. So my W and I are still legally married, but not spiritually, mentally or even physically married. I do hope we get back together, but if/ when we do I see it as a new marriage.
