B) Read every single story here and the same thing emerges: I don't love you, I haven't loved you for 1,2,6, 8 (ever!!) years, you will be better off etc etc etc.
We live theses things every day and thought the siches are all differetn, we are all dealing with WAS. So, read DR if you haven't, post often, post everything. Listen to the advice, some have been walking your path a while now and the advice they can give is invaluable.
GAL, 180 starting NOW.
I know you said last counselling-but even if she ever wants to go back, don't go to that one
I might suggest you find your own counsellor for IC. Use this time of separation to work on you. By becoming a strong, wonderful man, who would happily have another R with his wife, or be at the point where he is able to go on fully on his own and perhaps start new R's. The point is to be down the path far enough that in either case, you will be at the same place in your journey, should either scenario occur.
I just received a message from someone that would be helpful to all on here.so often when things change in our lives,we have such a resistance to change.this is because when people see a big change appearing they are often fearful that it is something bad.but it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives,it means something better is coming.when something moves out,something must come in and replace it.when change comes,relax,have total faith ,and know that the change is all good.something more magnificent is coming to you. Intact, my husband said the same to me when he moved out, I'm never coming back so get over it and find someone else, by reading on here I see that a lot of them say that, you will see that they are not unique!
Tank you I appreciate the advice. Not impressed with our counsilor at all. I asked my wife if she would be prepared to work on our marriage whilst separated she responded "no I have thought about this myself and talked it through with the counsellor and its not a good idea"
Trouble is my wife is still going to one on one sessions with her and she just seems a bit toxic.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Well as one last throw of the dice I asked my wife tonight if she would consider MC whilst we are seperated. She told me no way because there is no future for us.
It hurts but now I move on and become the best dad I possibly can be.
Her mind is very much made up, and I'm sure she's fantasising about meeting mr right... But there's nothing I can do about that.
I have always been closer too my son than she has so I need to be there for him now. While she messes around I will be his rock.
Do I think she will ever come back too me? Unfortunately I can't see it.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Sorry you are here but know your story is very similar to many of ours. In the last couple months I've heard from my W that she never loved me, she wished she'd never met me, she's sorry she ever had kids with me, that I'm a terrible person, that I was a terrible dad, blah, blah, blah. Also don't be surprised when she starts rewriting history and many of the good things you remember she'll have a negative spin to them. Don't believe anything your W says right now because the WAS needs this to justify what they are doing. Sure it hurts but that's what these boards are for.
First thing you need to do is read DR (Divorce Remedy) over and over until you know it cold. Figure out what the problems are with you and start 180's on them. Some may be difficult and you may occasionally backslide but don't beat yourself up over it, just continue fixing you.
The next thing, and probably the hardest in my opinion, is to detach from your W. You need to stop worrying about what she's doing or thinking and start working on you.
Do you have any hobbies? Things you do or have wanted to do because you should force yourself to start doing them immediately to get your head away from your sitch. You need to do this, sitting around thinking about how all this $ucks will only make it worse.
This is all about making you a better person and as many on here say a person only a fool would leave.
This will take a long time so be prepared for a marathon. Most WAS don't get like this overnight and their minds won't change back easily but your M isn't over. Buckle up, get to work, and be the best person you can be.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Intact, I agree w all the has been posted here so far. There must be a "script book" out there somewhere all the WAS's are reading, b/c they all say about the same thing.
I difference is where their journeys take them ultimately...and the answer is, noone knows. You can only work on yourself; you can only control yourself. Stop worrying about your W and what she is doing/thinking and the C she is or isn't seeing.
All C's are NOT alike, unfortunately. My H & I both started w a H/W C team that RECOMMENDED he continue contact and do whatever he felt he needed to do w the EA w OW he's involved with!!!
Anyway, I agree that detaching IS the most difficult part. Mainly b/c you can't really detach until you are ready to detach. It is not a conscience decision (although you CAN take actions to move this along a bit), but an emotional journey that leads you away from feeling so caught up in EVERYTHING your W may be thinking/feeling/doing.
The only way through the pain is THROUGH it--it can't be avoided. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself--for YOU and for YOUR SON!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Can I ask - how can you be certain this is WAW Syndrome? I don't want to take action like it is if it could potentially be something else if that makes any sense?
Many Thanks, I really do appreciate all of the advice...
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Intact. First of get rid of that C! They are not helping your Sitch! Secondly, absorb the advice above, it's been said so many times on here, to me in my posts, and to others who are dealing with WAW's!
My W was always saying 'your not a natural dad like others' she might have even said to me that i was a bad dad (<nice) so now every week when I pick the kids up I make sure they go home with lots to talk about.
Detaching is hard but GAL helps, I joined a Gym and 3 months in I still go and the chemicals a decent work out release makes you feel great! But above all make sure anything you do is positive, leave the negative stuff behind when you close the front door. If you bump into any of her friends and family be positive and put a smile on, force it if you have to but don't be on a downer because it will filter back, everything will!
Put the kettle on, buckle up and prepare yourself for the longest roller coaster ride your ever likely to take!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
I've re-read your original post and I can pick similarities out and compare them to my Sitch. I got the ILYBINILWY line in Oct '12 and although it was still a shock we really wasn't getting along great. She would leave the room, goto bed, what ever to avoid contact with me, if I tried touching her in bed she would pull away and at weekends she would organise things without me. I could go into more detail but can you relate to any of this?
What your saying makes sense but, and im sure someone else has said it here, whether its a MLC or a WAW the two are pretty much the same! Get a copy of DR and absorb everything in it. This is also hard to say and I hated reading what someone posted to me but don't discount an Affair Emotional/Physical especially if you can relate to any of my symptoms.
Ref my Sitch, I'll PM you so I don't hijack the thread.
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
