Kimmerz, The timeline you shared about the pre-mediated actions, the money, etc., all fit w/mlc. Usually 1-2 years prior to the full blown crisis and the BD, they begin to change, some begin preparing for the flight from home and others will just think about it. I do think your h has some serious issues w/PTSD w/a mix of mlc on top of it.
They do begin to become paranoid prior to the BD because their guilt is starting to eat at them just a little bit. Yes, I can see where he was monitoring you in the computer. Mine did the same thing, but he didn't find much because I did mine research at work on my lunch break. They begin to call you more frequently to see where you are what you are doing. Mine became very interested in my activities while he was at work...why? So that he would know where I was so that the twinkle twat could come to the firehouse to see him. He even went as far as purchasing phone cards w/a very weak excuse of using them to call home. I knew better but bided my time to see just how he would behave.
Your telling him that the woman was a flame, just made it even more enticing. You didn't realize that at the time. You were trying to give him advice to stay away from her and her situation, but he was like a moth drawn to the candle.
I think the final pieces of your puzzle are the ow and the shooting. What led up to the shooting, etc. Those pieces will complete the puzzle because you have just about completed your autopsy on the situation. It took me an entire year to get those pieces, but once I did, I did feel better about moving on w/o him.
Unless you absolutely need to contact him, don't do it. It's all about control and manipulation. He doesn't need any more ego kibbles from you.
If you need to bounce things off of us concerning the autopsy, we are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
