Next Step, Moving On

[littleGTO]

Hi, nail,
Haven't posted to your thread yet, but just spent the last 1/2 hour reading the entire thread.

First, I agree w AS & Bond--don't move out! You are not making your W move out--she is making a decision to leave the M, therefore she needs to leave. The fact that kids will be "displaced" are part of the consequences of her actions. AND, they will still be in their own home when you have them, which should be half of the time.

In all of your posts, you are focused on your W. What are YOU doing to GAL? What 180s are YOU doing consistently? How are you trying to detach? Your focus needs to be on YOU.

Keep up w the no R talks. That gives her space. I agree completely w the 10 second rule. If what you want to say after 10 seconds is still on your brain ask yourself if what you will say will HELP or hinder the sitch. Do LESS talking, more listening.

VALIDATE her feelings instead of trying to defend yourself. Her feelings are REAL to her. It doesn't matter if you think they are a skewed view of reality...they are HER reality and therefore are just as real as what you perceive as reality.

There is a book called From Abandonment to Healing. I suggest you read this. It gives 5 stages (similar to 5 stages of grief) specific for the LBS. It helped me understand where I am.

The truth of the matter is that you can't rush through stages just to get to the other side. You have to give yourself permission to "feel the pain." Just try not to exude these negative feelings while around your W.

Good luck, nail!