When tapestries of life get tangled in the loom.

[25yearsmlc]

Bruce,

Please stop the justifications. They do NOT help you or serve your cause at all.
They prevent you from growing or becoming a truly changed man. I don't sense anything deeply different in you. Yes some superficial gestures and comments but when it comes down to it, you DO see yourself as the wronged party here.


When she says the slightest thing to you, you take offense and portray yourself as a long suffering martyr. Take the hair shirt off. Make some friends.

I'm telling you that your position of being a victim will keep you stuck more than anything else. Take Crimson's advice and dig way way deeper. Be brave.

Your wife's behavior the past 7 months pales in comparison to yours when she had the baby you wanted, in your country and you ignored her and him...

all she has done is leave what she saw as a one sided marriage that had no hope of repair, in the hope of finding family support to help her raise HER son...(b/c she did not believe YOU would be there for him, or her). And you had not been there for them before she left.

Since then, she's seen little interest in him from you, other than your repeated requests for "more time with" him...but until very recently you were not aware or informed about the medications or treatments he gets for his conditions.
There was no reason for her to trust you with him as you had never before had him alone for any length of time NOR had you asked for him overnight and you had not changed a diaper or put him to sleep yet...

You only just asked her about the medical issues, and then you minimized those conditions, to us. It's dismissive.


What has she "done to you" the past 7 months?

She told you not to come to her country, but you did anyhow. She said she would not greet you or house you. Then you complain here that you "had to get a place b/c she would not house me"...as if she broke her word.

But it's just like she told you it would be, and what she would not do.

Anything about this^^ strike you as you playing the victim, even now, after all of us have said it?

As for the Valentine Card I suggested, first, you are over analyzing it. There is no one thing, no one act and no one gesture that will fix this.

My suggestion was to outline his hand and date the card. Maybe let him "color in" part of it (draw a heart maybe) if that is possible or do it on the other side. But let her have a card with his handprint traced, on a card with the date.

It does not have to be "signed" by him at all.