Still working on me

[sweetbabyred]

When I spoke with him about a week and a half ago, he mentioned again that he always thinks that our anniversary is on the 23rd instead. I told him that it was definitely on the 22nd.

If it weren't for fb or google calendar, he probably would have missed it the other years. Now he doesn't have those reminders and he probably wouldn't acknowledge it anyway.

H doesn't really think we're married anymore, not sure why but I'm blaming it on MLC. I want to show him that I can move on too, so I'm not going to acknowledge it. Last year we had dinner and I got him a card, but I'm not even going to mention it.

Wouldn't want to make OW mad and jealous! At least not any more jealous than she already is!

I did put on my fb status the quote-

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” -Maya Angelou and had a pic that said no regrets, just love.

So I'm acknowledging to myself the decision that I made five years ago, but I don't think anyone knows what it's about.

I think I am doing pretty well. I'd love for him to wake up and decide to commit to our M, but I don't really have the expectation that it'll happen.

So right now I'm just waiting until February to see if he follows through to pay his debts and file. I still don't want to file, but if he wants to be with OW or anyone else, then he needs to get a D so I can move on too.

I'd like the opportunity to explore a relationship if it came up. Right now I don't qualify for financial aid because of his income and I can't date because I'm married, yet I don't get any of the benefits of being a wife.

I do love him, but I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this. I'm so busy with school that I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but I really do miss having a partner.