You are getting off on a good foot. But please keep in mind that what you are doing is not a silver bullet....just part of a larger change.
Personal example. My XW and I got into frequent skirmishes over the loft upstairs. She wanted to turn in into a play area for S and I wanted to turn it into a small home theater. DESPITE the fact that we have a big arse flat screen hanging on the wall in the TV room downstairs and Bose surround sound that was nearly deafening. I was being selfish....just didn't see it. After XW started sleeping in another room, I bought and put together a train table for S in that room to try to show her I was willing to change...to listen. She still moved out. We still got divorced. It has taken a SH*T load of consistency from me in this process and REAL change. Individual acts are not going to cut it. You may know that, I'm just saying it again.
Regarding my 180's, I will share with you something very personal I did with mine. One weekend when I did not have my son, I sat in a coffee shop for HOURS and I wrote down EVERY complaint that she had against me when she dropped the bomb...all of them. And I used the format below for all of them...and yes, it hurt like a MFer to admit to these faults after fighting them so hard -
Articulated issue: "You are disconnected from this family!"
Evidence: Time on iPad, BlackBerry, Laptop, TV
180: Read more, leave BlackBerry at home sometimes, no laptop or other tech when S is at home, eat dinner at table with S, go walking (or hiking, or to parks or other events) with S.
Doing this ^^^^ really helped me create a roadmap for change while looking at things through my XW's perspective. It was a TOTAL two-for-one exercise and really helped me on my way to change.
SM, PLEASE do this. For all of the complaints she had. Dig deep and face demons and things you don't like about yourself. And then, go back and revisit it frequently. Let it be your playbook....it helped for me.
Crimson
P.S. - thanks for the well-wishes for me and XW....long way to go, but it is a positive development.
