I never had an OM in my situation - so I really don't have much to offer in that regard and will leave that to the pros that had to deal with it in their own lives.
I DO, however, know a LOT about resisting the help and advice of others here. You say repeatedly that you get it, and you appreciate the input - but I (and others) have yet to see you act on it. I think you are slowly getting the point not to focus on your wife and all that she is or is not doing (though many a 2x4 was splintered in this process). But you still seem like you are intent on educating a lot of the vets here than have seen people like you and me come and go...succeed and fail.
People like you and me (yes, I think there are some similarities) do not do well blindly accepting a reality we do not see, or blindly accepting advice that goes against the very fiber of our being. I'll post a bulletin here:
****YOU HAVE TO DO THAT ON THESE BOARDS AND WITH THESE BOOKS TO SUCCEED!****
And "succeed", I learned, does not always mean that you get your wife back. Yes, the banner says "Save Your Marriage" - but the hidden text is "save yourself first". I expressed the same frustration that you are with the very same label.
