finding my way

[littleGTO]

Okay,
I'm wondering if there is something I need to be doing differently. There has literally been NO change in H's direction, our interactions or any movement back in my direction.

H is still communicating w OW (I'm assuming); still "in love" w her; still waiting for her D to be final (again, I'm assuming), and clearly is not showing any positive signs of wanting to come back home to me/boys.

I have pretty much limited comm about boys. I am detaching--remaining friendly when I'm around him (but definitely not overly). I do try to make myself scarce on weekends when he comes to visit at home (as I feel this is best for ME to detach).

H has been in EA w OW for a year now (maybe longer). Said they've been "in love" since last Jan/Feb. She is in final stages of her D. My H seems completely gone in her direction. It's like she entered the picture (giving him all the WoA I wasn't giving him) and he's never looked back.

And yet all of his decisions have been deliberate and thought out. He started talking about moving out in July & didn't end up moving out until Nov (of course this was stalled due to his M's illness & passing).

At the end Dec he told me he & OW still talked occasionally about a future together (& he wishfully said that a lof of variables had to fall into place for this to happen, but I know that's what he wants as of now).

My biggest sadness is that after 20 years together, 17 married, and 3 children with LOTS of happy memories, is that he doesn't value our M enough to even give it a chance. The fact that a OW is in the picture threw me for a loop. I would have NEVER thought my H was capable of allowing this to happen!

Somehow I know he justifies that he is NOT cheating b/c it is ONLY an EA...yet it is destroying our M just the same (or more).

I want to hang on and have hope. I pray for hope every night. But I also know that God gives us free will & that H may not choose us, so my path may be different going forward. It already is.

For now I choose to GAL/detach/do my 180s and just pray. ANy words of encouragement??? I feel so hopeless at times-really like I just don't see this every turning around.