Thanks Lois. I've gotten alot of perspective on my sitch by reading your's too.
I just spent 30 minutes crying and had to suck it up pretty quick so the girls couldn't tell. D13 can tell, and asked if i was ok. I told her, "well I am now". Im not really.
But honestly, Im glad I can admit Im not ok right now. Im dealing with a serious emotional wave right now. An emotion that Im not ashamed to admit that I personally tried to sweep under the rug and pretend it didn't exist.
Those emotions are the horrible strain I went through after my husband was shot. Nursing him back to health. Dealing with the looks and whispers around town. Dealing with people, calling, showing up, news reporters.... watching him struggle to get well again. I held it all together, for him and for the girls. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my family.
Yet I didn't have anyone really supporting me. I told myself I wasn't allowed to break down, I had to be stong for all of us. And that's what I did. I sucked it up, and went on.
XH physically healed, but mentally that's a whole different story. Im beginning to wonder if XH took up with this OW in particular just to get back at the man that tried to kill him.
Dear God I didn't know how scarred I was from that incident.
I guess Im still trying to heal from it too.
I've learned to really let go and let God. I've been taking lessons on it, and just trusting God to lead the way and answers my prayers in the way he see's fit. I've accepted that God won't answer my prayers in the way I want them, it will be the way he see's fit.
So one day at a time. Im taking life as it comes, and will enjoy life as much as I can in the meantime.
I still have many wonderful things to look foward to.
