W will do what she wants. Time for ME and D3 !!

[25yearsmlc]

OK so as far as what I can do at this point.

I think you are all right in that I need to work up the strength to be able to shift the power to my side. If I force it, as AnotherStander said, it will come across as resentful and probably fake. She would probably call my bluff at this point.

My gut tells me she needs to stay in our house, for now. Also GH31 who has been with me from the start of my sitch, also said that I am not ready to move to the next phase and that will come as a naturally progression when you cannot take this anymore. Similar to what AS said.

interesting spin on their words^^. I took them as challenging you to have more self respect in this arena, but I concede you don't sound as if you do at the moment.


At home she is with me and can see my 180s.


which are what?

I need to get to where I am ready and ok with moving on without her, and as you all said at that point she will realize that on her own.

When do you plan on getting there?

So, my plan from now on is to GAL and GAL some more, and ignore what she does. You are all right in that it is so hard to get going with that!


WE said it wasn't easy b/c you are depressed and obsessing. But it's mandatory. We say that b/c we know it is - b/c it works.


25yearmlc, you said that since I only had one friend I must never have had good self esteem.


No I did not say that^. Quote me accurately. I believe I said if you have no other friends but your w, you are codependent. I stand by that.

I also said you do Not sound as if you feel a lot of self confidence these days-which you claim to have on one hand, and that you seem to link it to the success of your business, which you blamed for losing your sex drive.


Without getting into a long convo, basically I cam to USA as an international student attending college. All of my friends, probaly 100 or so people, were international students. Over the years as they graduated they all moved home.

At that point i had met my now W and was 1.5 years into our relationship when i graduated. I got into her circle of friends and also my business and was too busy and frankly didn't care to have many friends anyway.

So all left, Except me and one other guy I know. I may contact him and see if we can meet up. His wife just had a baby though so not sure how flexible he is.

Yesterday when W was leaving for 1.5 hour drive to OM, she said do you have $10 I can take with me in case I need something? I gave her the $5 I had in my pocket =)

why give any? I don't get it. Seriously...you don't have to be angry at her, but to give her money to enable her to buy gas is like giving an addict money for crack cocaine. What's the difference? They're ruining their lives and others...w/money YOU provided. That is called "enabling". Look it up.

I had told her last time that I she can't be using our marital money for those trips and that our money is only for groceries and things D3 needs.

So it seems it got through a little and was not met with too much anger.

So, SHE wasn't angry at YOU b/c you only gave her all the money you had? Oh good...thank God for that! (Yes a note of sarcasm is intended... )

I told her there is gas in the car, and really I shouldn't be paying for that either. She said OM told her he would give her money when she goes this time.

So I will slowly start to stand up for myself in those situations, while at the same time upping my GAL. That way it is authentic and looks like I am moving on.

When she feels the loss of power, perhaps she will rethink this whole situation.

She is looking for a job, but not in OM's city! She is looking here where we live. So not sure what she is thinking, or if she is thinking at all. We all know WAW's dont seem to have too much clarity.

You have heard, I'm sure, that you are to pay attention to NONE of what they say and only half what they do. Start really doing that.

So GAL GAL GAL. I am going to start working out. that is my number one GAL right now. I want to get rid of a little gut i have going on, and grow my arms out like they were when we met.

Good. And meet new people. ASAP...

I'm going to look into habitat for humanity. I have always wanted to help those less fortunate. Especially during the holidays because all my family live out of state. But we always end up at W family. So now is the time.

I still have faith my wife will change her mind though think it will take time. I need to change as you all said, and I need to become the husband only a fool would leave.

Fix my business and make it more profitable (by focusing instead of obsessing about my sitch which has made business worse).

Work out and start to have more energy, feel better, look better.

Need to sign up for either a volunteer something or perhaps a class in something. i kind of liked the pottery idea that 25 mlc did!! =)

Stay tuned. And please let me know if you think I am on track here!