Trying to move forward

[Dewayne]

Original Thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2316209&page=1

Wasn't much action going on there but my background is there and it had 9 pages. Thought I'd start a new thread.

Well to try and summarize, Been together 11 years, married for 7. Started business in Jan 2012, haunted house. Planning started in Jan, construction start in August. March we sold the property and soon after 67 Camaro SS show car to fund it all. March I asked her before going to bank if she was completely happy with me and our marriage and she said "absolutely 100%"

June she started having slight chest pains, doc told her it was anxiety, too much work stress. Gave her Celexa, 20mg. By End of August, volunteers were showing up and she took interest in a 19 yo boy. (she's 28) We had an argument about her spending too much time with them and not enough with family, I blurted out Divorce (as a stupid habit of mine, not a terribly common thing for me to do tho) and she said "not a bad idea" Since then, she had completely changed character. Started drinking a bit, tried weed, locked daughter in a room to go party etc. Completely different person. (this is a few months past her starting Celexa)

Divorce will be final Feb 5th. People on another forum told me to give up and sign papers, 50/50 everything. So I did. I regret it. DB started for a month or so now.

DB'ing wasn't strong at first. Now, though probly too late, I am doing better at it. We've moved from the haunt which failed. Lost everything. No money, no cars. She's driving the hearse and I'm driving the SUV which still owe $2,000 on. She moved in with her brother and family and I moved in with 2 bachelor friends.

So here I am. Feeling better. I see my wife / stbxw maybe once a week. To exhange Jo. She no longer calls or txts about anything other than Jo, except for once or twice talking about me having a job or not yet etc. That's it. A few times during exchange convo's she wanted to get together for a movie (she works at a theater) and a movie or two here at my house.

I woke up this morning, deciding to try and move forward. I've gotten in contact with a few older friends and I now have another possible supporting friend. Which makes just 2 so far, but one isn't so "supportive", she's just too negative. I have thought seriously about getting this job I pretty much have bagged, just waiting on background check and MVR (motor vehicle report) etc to start working. I may try to do another haunted house this year. If I can get 2,000 people, $10 a head that should be about $15,000 profit, if done correctly. This could be a very good start to a possible career. (I want a solid, GREAT show, not just a run of the mill attraction)

I'm setting goals, small and large. Still losing weight. Now 35lbs lost. Still working out and getting more frequently. I'm just gonna try and continue to GAL and hope that when the date comes (court) I can handle it well. I'm not sure if I want to go anymore or not. I feel that she's confused and going through a phase, or maybe permanant, but either way, I do NOT like who she is at this point in time. It may be induced by her Celexa, which I've done extensive reading / research on, and I believe it has at least a large part into her behavior and she is tapering off the drug. So I'll try to march forward until she comes to me.

I'll try to update with progress etc.

[Dewayne]

Wife txted a bit ago. I waited a bit to respond. It was about watching the kiddo.

I can't help but to feel hardened to the fact that she only txts about a sitter. It sometimes makes me angry, and I feel like saying to her "NO! You said you wanted to be friends, but yet you ONLY txt when you want something from me"

But I know that's not right. So I don't know. I wished I could go to sleep and wake when this is over.

She txted a few times, all about the same thing. Told her I needed stuff for her to snack on and eat for dinner etc. We had a convo about that and then she asked if I could watch her an additional day... so she could take a bath.

It's still killing me. But I am fighting emotions a lot better than I was. She did txt me the other day and said that Jack Reacher wasn't going to be playing anymore and apologized that we didn't get to go see it together. That is a positive txt I suppose. But after that, it's been... well I don't know, but a few days at least.

[longrun]

Do you still want the divorce currently?

[Dewayne]

No.

Not one bit. But I've signed the papers and with the stbxw's current mood and attitude, which has been completely NICE, but detached... when it comes to "us" she's still headstrong about it, that I Fear will only anger her if I decided to fight it. Plus there's not enough time for a public attorney / legal aid lawyer to prepare. Maybe it won't be so much as work as it would be for him to say "My client has an argument in this matter in which we would like a continuance" etc. . . but I don't know and though I've gotten a lawyer's name, he has yet to get back in touch with me since.

No. I don't want the divorce but I have learned, it's not going to chance our relationship. It only severs a legal bond, which I'm sure has an emotional effect but not sure, I'm not a psychologist or w/e.

I figured my best bet is to DB as best I can when she and I DO communicate and take it from there.

[longrun]

Ok, you don't want the divorce. Unfortunately I hardly know anything about the US legal system - can't you just retract your filing? In my country it is possible, until the last minute. Maybe you wouldn't even need a lawyer for it.

[Dewayne]

well she filed with a good attourney .. htf you spell that? lol. So yeah, all I did was sign/notorize and gave them to her, she took to her lawyer's and lawyer sent me the copies.

I don't think there's anything I can do. I am more concerned now for my wife, as her behavior is still erratic and detaching, even from our child I believe now. So, right now my concern is getting her off the Celexa antidepressant.

After more research and reading, and talking to professional doctors that are aware of the issues, I am fully concinved that all of this, is stemming from her changed personality caused by the drugs. Her friends are starting to comment on her changed attitude and how she shows no feeling. SHe says she's "happy where shes at now" but shows no emotion, or wrong emotions. Memory lapses etc.

So, I definitely still have my work cut out for me for my DB'ing.

[longrun]

I am no DB guru but if I was you I'd ask her if she really wants to divorce. If she does then it's "ok". If not then tell her that you would also prefer at least a break in the D process and maybe she would be willing to retract her filing. Suggest it gently, without pressure, as an option.

If D does go through then you can continue with DBing. There have been reconciliations after divorce.

I wouldn't worry much about her medical condition. Take care of yourself, focus on yourself - it's a tough stage you are in. GAL as best as you can.

[Dewayne]

Thanks longrun, in a text she sent me a while back had the phrase "but right now there's nothing to make me not want the divorce at the moment..."

But after that, just a week or two ago she made it clear again (I was NOT bringing up our R, just about her on the med's) that she wants the divorce.

I asked her politely to let it be on hold for a while until all this hectic stuff calms down and she said "I have a time limit" which I know is b/s. But knowing how and why she's acting the way she is, that's typical.

She said many times that if we get back together she wants a complete fresh start. Maybe the Celexa, maybe not, but I feel that as much SHlT that happened and she did, I think it could be affecting her a lot mentally.

Also, another point. She texted me tonight, just a few min's ago in fact. A while back, she had said "we can't get back together, you're not working" I don't know if that was a jab, a real reason or just an excuse. But her txt just now asked about my job interview I have coming up. (thot it happened already but told her no, waiting on driving record to come back)

[Dewayne]

I'm very down. hard. tears really.

I talked to my daughter tonight and I noticed her vocabulary is getting much better, (she's 3) and getting so smart and I'm missing it.

Day after day I sit here and look at her corner with all the toys and can't help but to .. . .


she goes back and forth from wanting me and then wanting mommy. She said last few times she was here taht 'mommy hate me" ..

they say taht god doesn't present a challenge to you that you can't handle, but good gawd I think he's pushing my limits.

I have no fuel, no money. She is out of fuel and money and gets paid in a few days. I woulda told her to bring D tonight but she couldn't afford it.

Shooting face in Battlefield 3 again, just not helping like it did 2 weeks ago. (internet is sorta fixed)

Gonna go do another video log and possibly go to bed, read and pray a bit. try to sleep.

[longrun]

Hey Dewayne, I know where you are, I have been there, too. In my case it's not just one but three kids. It's critical that you get a job. Try anything, be prepared to accept some disadvantages at the start and then work your way up. Personally I have set my job as #1 priority and I am glad I did. I am in a much better position now. My income allows me to care for my kids when I see them and I have found several new friends at work. It really helps having new contacts and having tasks you can complete successfully. You'll have more things to think of than just the trouble with your wife.

There's no magic for getting rid of the sadness. Don't try to run from it. Accept it as a valid feeling but create new, positive impressions - and the sadness will slowly fade into the background.

Take care.