I broke down and needed to take action so W would move on things. So I wrote an email. "The sale of our house is quickly approaching. I am aware you have moved on to a new chapter in your life and you are now happy living your "single" life and have chosen to ignore me and your homeowner and marital responsibilities, but there are still a few issues we need to up before the Closing. 1. I apologize for being there when you and your friend came to the house to gather your things the other day, I was there to point out to you where your belongings were. I realize it is difficult for you to see me and discuss things, but I am trying to be adult about this and it is helpful for both parties involved to be present in order to sort the material items. You chose to ignore me and managed to leave many of your belongings in the house. It is not my responsibility to throw your things out nor to Fed Ex them to you. My responsibility to you ended when you walked out on me and our life together. Your things are still in the house and need to be removed by Monday, as agreed to in the Contract. I have taken what I had room for and am holding a few things of yours in the trunk of the car. We could incur a Closing penalty so please remove the balance of your belongings promptly. 2. You agreed to give me $$$$ per month to pay for the various housing expenses. To date you have only provided me with $$$ for the month of December and $0 for the month of January. Please let me know when I can expect payment or whether I should deduct that from your share of the sales proceeds. I supported you while you earned your degree, which helped you obtain the position you are in now, and was always willing to support you in anything you wanted to do. 3. I spoke with the buyers the other day. They were advised by their attorney to bring cash to the Closing to pay for the furniture items they will be purchasing. I had only asked for a check in my name so I could deposit it in our joint account so I wouldn't have to track you down for your signature. 4. While you have been living your new life I have been dealing with the home items that needed to be repaired according to the terms of the Contract. You offered no assistance with taking care of these items. As such, I will be deducting the $$$ for the roof repair (which was $$$) and the $$$ for the porch repair ( Which was $$$) from the Closing proceeds. Without your cooperation these responsiblies fell on me, and action needed to be taken or sale of our house would not proceed. 5. As you know, the proceeds from the sale of our home will be minimal, and there are still some shared financial obligations. I will be using the sale proceeds to pay off the following credit card debt; as of Jan. $#@: ($$$$$$) - which was used for a balance transfer to pay off off your card, (b) ($$$$$) which is the remaining balance our the trip (c.) ($$$$$) which is the furnace and our trip to. The total of these items comes to $$$$$$. Obviously any remaining balance would be equally divided. Contrary to what you think, I do love you and I do miss you. I did not ask for, nor want this to happen. I am not "disgusting" nor "evil", and have done no harm to you. I tried to provide for us the best that I could. Obviously my best was not good enough. I am glad that you have been able to find yourself and are on a new journey. Hopefully you will be able to find whatever you felt was missing between us. Not many people have the selflessly love for another person as I have for you. I do not see how you are able just pack a few things leave and buy yourself a new life. It has not been as easy for me. Someone had to stay behind and pick up the pieces. Cleaning out the house and dealing with the mess of a life lost, sorting through our time together has hindered me from any peace through this process. I do not why you have concentrated on to on the hard times in life and just shut out all the good feelings and memories we shared. Certainly must be easier your way and to be able to paint a nice picture of your intimidating husband who took all the money, damaged and throw away your belongings. You might have moved back to your with your mother, but you are not single. We were not simply boyfriend-girlfriend, we are married. After we finish with the house there will still be matters to attend to. Clearly by your lack of communication you do not want to have an adult discussion with me about this. You can look at any of the statements to verify my calculations. I am an honest, caring, and nice person and you know you can trust the calculations. The balance of sale proceed will be deposited in our joint account and dealt with from there. Are you going to file the divorce papers you so adamantly wanted or is that something you are expecting me to do to? I hope that you do find what you are looking for, cause it is obvious to me the W. I knew, promised to love and honor through both good times and bad, and cherish all the days of my life, does not want be found. Sincerely, H
Wife's response You advised me on the 2nd to pick up the remainder of my personal items by the 11th of since that was the day of the last garbage pick up. You also advised me that you would be putting any garbage that was left in the house out on the 11th. I picked up my items on the 9th and have no personal items remaining there. My response back, I am not letting her play attorney. You advised me on 2nd that you would go through your books and belongings on 9th but you did not do that. On 9th you only looked through the one box that I made avaiable for you. And I did discarded what you pulled out of that box. On August #th. you advised me you would deposit $$$$ per month to pay house bills. On Aug $#th you advised me you would come to a session will the therapist but you did not show. On Sept #$ you advised me that you would go to see a therapist when I returned from work. Also On, "Our wedding date here", you made a vow....
Now this is were I get confused, wife's friend sends me a message tell me that see will come with her husband to remove my wifes things. Now, this girl has MS I cannot allow her to be moving things around. What is my W thinking. Later that day my wife sends me this message. Hi Edward, I understand from previous emails that the walk through is Monday at 5pm. I am in a conference this weekend and can only be available earliest Monday at 1pm to move remaining items from the house. Please send me a photo of what is left so I know what to bring. Thanks, W. I notice she puts my name there. WTF.. Photos is she kidding me, 6 month she had now i need to send photo and 4 hours before the final walk through, and thanks. It like the other conversation or should I says emails did not existed. Things like this make me question her mental wellbeing, I don't want to sound like a jerk, but it is very confusing to me.
I have been through alot of therapy since the start of this and now I coming to realize that just maybe, just maybe she had not been treating me right. She has been transposing all this anger onto me. The one person who loves her uncondictionally. And if we would get back together this riff would only happen again, years from now.
I'm not sure what you are expecting since you gave her an ultimatum. You shouldn't worry about what her arrangements are. Let her do what she wants to do.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am aware you have moved on to a new chapter in your life and you are now happy living your "single" life and have chosen to ignore me and your homeowner and marital responsibilities
Quote:
You chose to ignore me and managed to leave many of your belongings in the house. It is not my responsibility to throw your things out nor to Fed Ex them to you. My responsibility to you ended when you walked out on me and our life together.
Before you ever email or talk to your wife you should ask yourself two questions:
1- what is my goal? 2- is what I am about to do/ say moving me closer to or farther from my goal?
That is a terribly angry and vindictive email. I am left with the impression that you want to punish your wife in whatever way you can. Is that the case?
I want to get her to get her belongings out. So I would not be held responsible for throwing them out. I wanted to make sure she know what was going to happen with the sale of the house. I had a long talk with my therapist after I send that message and I feel that it was the right think to do. I really thought that could trust her and I really had hope in her but she has moved on. And I have been trying to move on but issues with the sale of the house kept bringing me back down. I no way Am I trying to punish her I was just stating the items that need to be discussed. And her failure to communicate not only with me be others trying to accomplish there jobs is not right. She is dragging third parties into our situation was is not fair to them and is kind of embrassing to me. Because then I need to answer the question, why is your W asking me this why doesn't she just ask you? My answer is I don't know. I wish she would just ask me things would be easier. Even today she accused our restate attorney of conspiring with me. Any the attorney asked me what is your w thinking. Do I love her, yes, but she is has made my life the last month terrible, all because she won't talk or even response to an email. Even tbe response she did give, she only respond to tbe one thing that she thought she could control, she neglected everything else.
I want to get her to get her belongings out. So I would not be held responsible for throwing them out. I wanted to make sure she know what was going to happen with the sale of the house. I had a long talk with my therapist after I send that message and I feel that it was the right think to do. I really thought that could trust her and I really had hope in her but she has moved on. And I have been trying to move on but issues with the sale of the house kept bringing me back down. I no way Am I trying to punish her I was just stating the items that need to be discussed. And her failure to communicate not only with me be others trying to accomplish there jobs is not right. She is dragging third parties into our situation was is not fair to them and is kind of embrassing to me. Because then I need to answer the question, why is your W asking me this why doesn't she just ask you? My answer is I don't know. I wish she would just ask me things would be easier. Even today she accused our restate attorney of conspiring with me. Any the attorney asked me what is your w thinking. Do I love her, yes, but she is has made my life the last month terrible, all because she won't talk or even response to an email. Even tbe response she did give, she only respond to tbe one thing that she thought she could control, she neglected everything else.
Guess I does matter if it is true it what only matters is what the W thinks is true. I have reach out to her friend and family to see if there was someway they could convince her to goto a mediator with me. I need the peace, and I do not want to get attorney and through away all the money. For what.
