Hmmm, hindsight is 20/20. It would have depended where we were in the marriage, I think. For the past five years, even H said the sex was terrible. There was no effort etc., on either part. I think if I saw the trip as a bribe (ie, let's have sex in this here exotic locale) then I do not know if there would have been enthusiastic sex. If we were at the bad place we had been in for the previous five years, then no. We went on a cruise and didn't have sex at all. So I can probably say that the very cool trip would not have done it either. The connection was not there. I think if the trip had happened after H started filling LL needs and stated in no uncertain terms that sex was off table until I wanted to initiate, BOra Bora would have been mighty interesting. But to go on the trip with everything else unresolved? No go.
Sounds selfish and awful and wow, I really don't like the person I was...but let me tell you, this mistake? Of tying sexuality to emotional neediness? Of not expressing what I am missing and what I need? To use sex as a means of control? This never happens again.
I was wondering if you realize how you got this way and if there was anything the husband could have done to get you out of it at the time.
I get the whole idea of the husband doing kind acts and gifts for you was taken by your mind as being "bribed" for your sex and affections.
How did it get so bad where you think the H did not deserve to have it?
The position you describe is one that many couples get into, even ones which have not gone into full out affairs, and I was wondering if there was a method to getting out it that you would be aware of.
