The ups and downs of DBing

[Wendylon]

Thank you, SD and tori, for stopping by and for your feedback.

I'm really not sure what the issues are that brought us to a bad place are. I know that my nagging H has been v destructive. I'm doing that a lot less. The other day, I got anxious because he was running late and he got fed up and said something about the old me rearing her head and being back. He thinks I'm the most emasculating woman on earth!

I've noticed that the more he's in the wrong, the more he gets angry at me when I call him on it. I'm not sure how to get what I want without annoying him.

He keeps not having any spare change on him and needing me to bail him out. He's always bad-tempered about it when I feel that I should be annoyed. He also gets annoyed when he can't find his belongings. Again, I figure it's his problem and I'd help him but I feel that it's unfair of him to act frustrated as if it's somehow my fault.

I've been doing a spring clean of all S13's old educational materials. There are thousands of laminated flashcards that I made (to teach him language). I want to give them to S13's school and just as that was about to happen H said he wanted to think about it first. I was a bit incensed. He's never made educational materials for S13 and wouldn't even know they existed if I hadn't cleared out his cupboards and brought them downstairs. It's the same with loads of sequencing materials that I made. I announced that he could look through them. He said nothing for a few days. I then offered them to a therapist who works with other autistic children. She was really pleased to take them but H says he 'caught her about to march off with them' and stopped her. I said I'd offered them to her and his response was 'You could have asked me first'. I had!! He still hasn't made a decision about them.

I now look after our medical insurance. We have a silly scheme whereby we get 50% cash back for consultations. I've been chasing H for a receipt for ages for one of his appointments. You'd think he doesn't want the ££ back. He is the epitome of non pro-active!

Apart from that, H did meet me at 'my' cafe today unexpectedly and kissed me on the mouth when he left. So there are some good things happening. He met my friend who I see there nearly every day. They seemed to hit it off (although she knows from me how frustrating I find him) and he was being friendly and charming. He offered to fix the cafe's internet (for free) so ingratiated himself with the staff there too.

Any feedback appreciated. There must be things that I'm not seeing that I could be doing to improve our R. I am on the right track but feel as if things have stalled a bit. He's still not drinking which is nice.