It's been a long time since I posted - I've mainly been reading others posts trying to make more sense of my situation. But I dont' think there is any making sense.
I'm HOPING to get some response, maybe someone can knock sense into me. I know that I have not detached. It just doesn't seem possible - he's around too much, because of our daughter, and in general seems to like to want to keep me just at arms length.
A little of what has transpired since last post. Christmas was ok, he spent the night christmas Eve - in my bed of course - and we had a good Christmas morning. I was on vacation that week and he always texted asking how I was etc. Then comes NYE - I told him we had no plans but he said he had 3 options. He came over during the day, and I set myself up for hurt as usual hioping he would change his mind. But he left for one of his parties by 6:00. No text at midnight, nothing. Another great NYE for me.
Then all h**l broke loose New Years day because he discovered I was texting with a guy. I know, wrong on my part. But I didn't lie about it and never had intentions on anything but friendship with the guy - made it clear I was working on marriage and just wanted friendship etc. But obviously that didn't suit my H. Although he is allowed to be friends with whomever he wants. If that isn't a double standard. He instists that it is different because he has know the girls he texts for years - partially true but there is still the 25 year old hairdresser that he only knows from delivering to her business. But he has cut back on texting them as far as I can tell. So anyway, we kind of got over that but he still likes to bring it up and inquire about who I'm texting.
We actually went out by ourselves to watch a football game about 2 weeks ago, our favorte team was playing. Him made lots of excuses and then finally said that he really wanted to go, just didn't want me posting on FB about it like we are a happy couple. That's the big thing - we can't be seen together by any of his friends. At any rate, we had a good time. The next week I asked him about doing the same thing again, but he couldn't leave band practice early again. Who has band practice every Saturday and Sunday for 3 weeks straight?!
So last week I ask if he wants to do something. (I just still feel too much like I need to show him I can still be fun and a mom? Feel like we need some time together or its just going to all fall apart) Again he beats around the bush - mostly because of that not wanting to be seen together. So I ask if he wants to come for dinner and he says that's cool. I get a sitter, make an awesome dinner, even put out candles etc. It goes good until I mention going out somewhere, he says he wants a quiet night, then says that I got weird from there. I don't see that as the case but anyway. We lay in bed to watch tv, I fall asleep, which is not unusual, and he leaves without telling me hes leaving. Texts me about how he was hoping for a more romantic long night. Well ok, sorry for dozing off (i'm basically a tired single mom these days!) but then he won't answer my calls and texts. Sunday morning he writes that he went to his friends to work on music stuff and turned his phone off - and was seriously upset because I fell asleep. WTH.
We made up for it Sunday evening I guess....
Maybe I need to go back and read the book over and start over. I allow him to control way to much of my emotional state. But like I said, I don't feel like I can just go dark, that it wouldn't be good for us to make any headway.
Went to my new counsleor twice. She doesn't feel like she can't help me any further without talking with him. She wants me to ask him but I haven't had the nerve. It would be good for him though.
Feel free to beat me with a stick or whatever and tell me to get back to the book. I did read Mort Fertel's book. It makes sense but totally goes against DB. So I got even more confused. Anyone?
