B: When she does come around, I stop whatever I am doing (put the book down, turn away from the computer, put the guitar down, etc) and give her full attention, validate, ask questions about whatever she is talking about, etc...basically I put any personal "agenda" aside and it's all her showtime.
i picked up phone this a.m. and was in good form- somewhere in he conversation he asked something that ended up in me responding with: "well, i have trouble switching gears - you go away for 3wks and it's a long time and i force myself to get serious about getting used to not having you in my life - then you call and i'm supposed to be able to turn on the charm and want to talk to you. it's wierd and not easy for me to do.
he didn't commen6t on that- just proceeded and we had an okay conversation- chatty - lite, etc.
is that wierd or what and was i sounding needy . i said it in a very offhand way- smile in my voice - nothing heavy. it just accidentally slipped out because it was the answer to his query.
cripes- i despair of getting this casual inscrutible thing down pat.
I did encourage him to talk - i did pay attention & respond in cheery & not-ramblie fashion. i swear - i'm tryin here.
then i think i said the wong thing - and feels futile. do we get "punished" for not being perfect?
i do let HIM call here- i sure am bad at this not feeling allowed TO want company when i want company- \\ \yeah - i do come here or find a friend, BUT........you sure sound very good at putting aside your own needs & "agenda".
