W will do what she wants. Time for ME and D3 !!

[leopoldstotch]

Ok SM the first thing I want to say to you is this. All the success stories you have read were not I repeat were not used as tactics to get spouses to come back. The people in those stories were ready to move on with their lives without their S. You want to follow these as a way to get your W back without doing any work on YOU. Guess what? It doesn't work that way. YOU have to make changes FIRST. Then your W has to want to come back and there is no guarantee that she will want to I think that needs to made clear to you.

Have you thought about living your life without her and what it would be like because I don't believe you have. I absolutely see you as codependent. What do you think will happen if you don't work on you and you somehow managed to get your W back using one of your tactics? I'll tell you, she will be out of your life for good and are you prepared for that? Are you prepared to live your life without her in the event your M is truly over? It's not healthy for YOU or your W to rely on her for all your NEEDS and I see that you do. She shops for your clothes and she was/is your only friend. Do you think she really wants that kind of pressure? You certainly are not independent of her.

I've read your post on saying that you two have shared ALL your feelings. Really? If so you would have truly known that you were in a sex starved marriage. Once a week to you was just fine but to your W that clearly wasn't enough. I highly highly doubt that your marital problems are stemming from just a lack of sex. From the outside there are many reasons why she is doing what she is doing and I think you do know what they are.

SM do you respect yourself? A person with self respect does not tolerate or enable their S to live the way you are living. Seriously, I know your D is young but what kind of message do you think you are sending her? You may think you are not in any position to have a say in your W's A but I strongly disagree. Two wrongs do not make a right. You are both wrong here as I see it.

Many years ago when my W had her A I was just like you I put up with her bull because she knew how bad I wanted her back just like your W knows you want her back at all costs. My W had all the POWER and she knew it and loved it as she later told me. I finally had enough of it SM busted up the affair, told her parents and told her boss and I paid a price with my W for that. We lived in hell for quite some time but I didn't care. Let me tell you that none of that made her come back to me. Do you know what made her realize she didn't want to lose me back then?

It was the fact that after living in limbo for months after her A was over I had an awakening one day. It dawned on me that I could no longer live like this that it was time for me to move on with my life without my W so I moved out of the house. You see SM I was truly done with my M at that point I left I strated dating and it was when my W found out I was dating that her life began to unravel. Why you ask? As she told me she lost all the POWER and never in her wildest dreams thought I would leave and move on and guess who that reminds me of? Your W!

Now I'm not telling you to go out and date because you aren't ready for that but your W has no fear of losing you. All I can tell you is what I would do if I was in your position today. You are the bread winner so to speak so I would cut off all money to her. If you share a joint bank account I would take all the money except for maybe a few bucks and open my own account in my own name only let OM give her money to go see him or she gets a job so she can have money. No way would I be the one out in the working world while she gets to have an A on my dime. Does all this sound harsh or like being an @ss? Yes but guess what it's reality and you don't have to be nasty to her about it. I would go about it non-chalantly.

Ok W since you want to live as room mates then I am going to open my own account and leave you with a couple bucks to get started with. She will be pissed but that's tough. Remember she is the one choosing this lifestyle because YOU yes YOU SM are allowing it. Definitely do not allow her to take the car that is better on gas. Detaching is key here. I could not act like we were best friends while she was doing this. At this point I would treat her like a room mate. I would tell her that it's time you two split the bills in half. Mortgage, utilities, food etc after all you are only room mates and room mates split things 50/50. She will probably hate you for this if you do it but guess what eventually she will come to respect you for standing up for yourself.

I think you really need to take MWD's advice and act like you are moving on with your life in fact what I said above will probably signal your W that you may be beginning to move on. Quit smoking, start exercising go buy a whole new wardrobe. Go out during the week even if it's to the mall or to the library or even a movie just as long as you don't make it look it you are sitting home waiting for her to just run back to you which is exactly what you are hoping for and THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

GAL Sm and GAL NOW!