AnotherStander yes you are absolutely right! GAL can be anything you enjoy doing. I guess I meant more like things to do to meet people. I need to have friends, some to call me.
Yes, but that doesn't happen overnight unless you have some old friends you can reach out to. That's what I did, one was a friend I hadn't hardly spoken to in 25 years!! But like 25 said, you need to get out and do stuff to meet new people. You mentioned doing volunteer work, I spent 2 years doing Habitat for Humanity and formed a lot of strong friendships through just that one activity.
And I just want to emphasize again what 25 said about just getting out and doing something. I tended to overanalyze stuff early on in my sitch and I see you doing something similar. The problem with overanalyzing is we're looking for answers, but there are none that will satisfy us. Things are happening with the WAS on a deep emotional level, in a place were logic and reason doesn't exist. Usually the WAS doesn't even really know themselves what's driving their decisions. Anyway, Michele makes the point in DR that it is critical to GAL to quit talking and thinking and start doing. You've just got to get out and do it. It is VERY difficult at first because we're depressed, anxious and just want to curl up in a ball inside the house. But the more you get out the more fun you have, the less you think about your sitch, and the more you WANT to get out. That's the whole idea of GAL, refocus your thoughts on the good in your life rather than the bad.
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I saw you posting a lot of good suggestions to people. Do you know of anyone else in my sitch where these is an OM but W doesn't bring up divorce or moving out anymore?
Yes, is happens quite a bit actually. More often it's a man doing it. It's classic cake-eating, the WAS wants the excitement of a new fling but they don't want to give up their old comfy relationship either, or deal with the headache of moving and splitting finances.
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There was no OM in your sitch right?
There was, but to this day I don't know if it was just an EA or a PA. My attitude was to just assume it was a PA, for me that made it easier to deal with then letting it eat at me.
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Waiting anxiously for your response. I need to switch the power dynamic and put some fear of losing me into her. Right now she believes she has time to think it through, which I guess she does.
This does need to happen, but I think it may be too soon for that. You're barely 2 months since BD. Plus it's not something that should be forced, rather it needs to be something that naturally progresses. IE, your GAL activities will eventually bring you to a place where you truly do feel that you can continue your life with or without your W. When you get to that level of detachment, nothing your W does or says will impact your PMA. It's then that they start realizing they don't have power over you anymore and they could very well lose you. That might lead to new soul-searching on their part. Just don't try to rush the process, if you try to force it then it'll usually come off to the WAS as pressure and that's not a good thing.
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But I do have plans to ask her to leave the house when I think she is looking back and has regret and has seen some changes.
Personally I never would have forced W to leave I don't think. I figured if she was there then she could more easily see my 180's. But when she talked about leaving I didn't try to stop her, I told her that I wanted her to be happy and if she thought that leaving would make her happy then I supported her decision. I didn't force her to do anything, I just validated her emotions and told her I support her. But I let her make the choices. If I had forced her out I think she would have resented it.
