Suckerpunch - I know exactly what you're going through, I'm going through the exact same thing with my W. To my surprise it's my S4 that's been affected more than my D7 (so far). I've decided to basically just deal with it myself and not talk about it with W because right now she isn't able to deal with it and it gets ugly. Just make sure you stay strong and be very neutral; talk your W up no matter how you really feel at the moment.
Bugs advice is right on. One thing I've seen on a few different threads this AM is making our spouses feel safe with regard to not feeling blamed and being able to talk with us. Something I'm going to give more thought into because early on I did blame her for breaking up family so I need to figure out a way to make her feel safe again.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
