Soul.Searching my way back.

[labug]

Hi, I know you're having a rough go at this right now but it will get better. I like your irrelevant mantra. Because it's true.

I'm sure when you were first together H treated you better than he did towards the end. His R with OW is new, things will change for them to, especially with all the yelling going on in that house.

I don't understand him, he makes this big deal about wanting them half the holidays but yet the kids say he doesn't spend time with them. That pisses me off.
This is his to deal with, don't get pissed off about it and try not to judge his R. It may be fine with all of them. I would guess that you and he interacted differently with the kids when you were together. Don't turn this into something that it's not.

My condolences on the death fo your family member. I'm sure your H hasn't forgotten about the people who were his family, that's probably why he's not going, it would be too difficult for him. If he had no feelings about it he could go without a problem. But, this is all getting way into his head, try to have no expectations as subguy said.

Just keep working on you.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Bug. It pisses me off because the kids are noticing and they tell me. I see their sadness when they do. I haven't said anything to H about it and I'm not intending to. His life, his choices.

He didn't come to the funeral which was fine, it was his choice. Surprisingly, no one asked about him either. He asked me how it was and apologized for not being there for me. I told him I did not need him there for me but that I had thought he would have wanted to be there because it was my uncle.
He said he was upset he couldn't make it.

It's irrevelant anyway. I'm over analyzing him, I'm over analyzing our M.
The only thing left for me is to work on me and my fucture.
I know the mistakes I made and I surely do not intend on making them again. I will be DBing forever more. I don't need to focus on the past anymore.

[bustingout]

I like the irrelevant mantra too SS. It is so true.

Keep working on YOU.

(((((((((( )))))))))

[Soul.Searching]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

[eyesopen]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

That is a great saying!

[Soul.Searching]

More of the same vs being a doormat... It's unfortunate it comes to that but more of the same it is.
H used to ask a fair bit of me but it was never like he was asking me a favour, more like a demand. He asks but never says please and I know that if I am unable to fulfill his request, then he has a huge dummy spit.

He has asked a few things of me lately and I know he hasent been impressed with my answer. I don't want to spend three hours of my day to make his easier. I know with H the more you give, the more he wants.

Sure I could do it but I was feeling really used by H and it stops now.
I'm not just standing on the sideline waiting to fulfill his requests.

Dummy spit away H,.., I don't care anymore. It used to really get to me and leave me feeling like crap? Until I have in,., the only thing it does to me these days is makes me glad that I don't have to put up with his crap anymore.

Ignorant, dummy spitting, arse face. Why do I love him so???

[labug]

Ignorant, dummy spitting, arse face

Now that made my day!

You shouldn't be standing on the sidelines waiting to make his life easier. You're on your path, he's on his path.

[Soul.Searching]

Thanks Bug! She really doesn't seem to like it when he knows I'm GAL.
He called 4 times in less than half an hour this morning. I finally answered and he asked me where I was, when I told him I was at a water park with my kids he replied "Lucky you." No, not luck, I decided to go lol haha

He was calling to once again ask me for the favour, that I had already said no too.
Get this,... He said Please!!! Well it was more like Pppllleeeeeeaaassssseeee. Yeah, sorry I already answered that one! I told him I was out and would call him when I got home.
About six hours later, when we were getting ready to leave the calls start again. I finally answer and tell him we are leaving and I will call him when I get home! Well the calls started again just before I got home. When I got home I messaged him and said we had just arrived home and I was going to put the shower on for the kids and make dinner. I told him I would call after that. Well he starts calling again while I'm nearly done getting dinner ready!! So I finally give the phone to S8 to answer, he talks to the kids then wants me.
I tell him I am fixing dinner but he still keeps talking.
He wanted me to find some numbers for him and suprise, suprise,.., Spat his dummy and hung up because I told him I was going to eat my dinner first! Lol baby.
So when I had finished dinner, I messaged him the numbers, so he called me again. He really wasent impressed that I haven't given in to his request.
He even tried to pull the "I thought you would have done it for the kids, not so much for me." Umm no, sorry. It's for you, it's not making anything any harder for my kids. He wanted to make small talk but I just wanted to reach in to the phone and punch him in the eye, so I ended the convo!

Oh and suprise, suprise, he told me he has wanted to take the kids to that water park for ages. Yeah, yeah!

Ignorant, impatient, self absorbed, dummy spitting, arse face.

[Soul.Searching]

So the water park was awesome!!! The kids had a blast! Some ride freaked them out a bit but they still loved them!! They both take after their Mum! They love rides. H is scared of them. I'm glad my kids aren't, they rock!

My Mum came with us because she wanted to go on the new ride, it's the biggest, fastest one there. Yeah, I think I know where I get it from. Lol

It was such an awesome day. I'm going to take the kids there a lot more often. It's a little expensive but well worth the money!!

[Soul.Searching]

Actually, I have to add something else. Today rocked!! We had a ball and i didn't have to worry about H!! Usually he won't go on rides because he doesn't like them. He would usually be rushing us about and there's no way we would have gotten to stay the whole day. He would have found some reason to leave early.

Even with me knowing H was probably calling and calling my phone ( Which was in a locker most of the time there.) I still had a way more relaxing day, then I usually would. I got to go on all the rides with my kids, without feeling guilty because H was bored. I felt no rush to get back to my phone to answer his calls.

I don't feel guilty for saying no to H's request.
I think that's something I need to work on, especially in any fucture R. I don't need to feel guilt, if someone is not having a good time. I don't need to feel guilt, if I say no occasionally.

I'm actually starting to very slowly, see the positive side of being single.
I've been wanting to take my kids to that water park for about two years but something always came up with H, who would have been upset, pissed if we went without him.
I've taken my kids to hire DVD from the video shop, something H never wanted them to do because it's a waste of money, yeah, yeah! Why did I let him have so much control?
I'm a single Mum and I'm actually starting to see the good/ great side of that.