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[littleGTO]

Hi, suckerpunch,
It only makes it okay that your W left if D is okay, therefore she MUST be okay in your W's mind. That is the thinking of WAS's.

My H thinks my boys are fine too, even when I tell him they are NOT & give me very specific examples. Even when he SEES their behaviors with his own eyes, he's denies the obvious reasons.

Don't wait for W to agree on this--get the school C involved. My younger two boys see the school C's. My oldest son doesn't see anyone yet, but I have a family C apptmt next week.

Also, if you my C recommended a book which I just finished-- What About the Kids? by Judith Wallerstein. It talks about what kind of reactions are common for children at various ages & things you can do to help. An excellent resource.

The truth of the matter is that ALL children are affected by D. The difficulty is knowing how it will specifically affect your child. From your posts there are obvious immediate adverse reactions from your D.

I would also suggest a conversation w your W as to how you will handle D's times of distress in the future (like NOT inviting D to come have a snuggle at your inconvenience). Instead suggest she is welcome to come to see D (if that is your preference).

Lastly, you have to be the rock for your D. Your W cannot be this where she is at right now. Your D will come to recognize that you will always be there for her to depend on and some of her anxieties will lessen.

My heart goes out to you, as I understand completely what you are dealing with!