Thanks. I have a couple of reservations about going the route of helping her pack and I'll explain why, just to discuss and try and figure this out. You guys said I can't keep taking her blame and I understand that, along with giving the picture that I'm going to be ok whether she stays or not.

She never felt "welcomed" in the house and felt that it was still my and my ex-wife's house, not our future home. She said things had to be my way and she had to really get on my case for even the smallest change. Then, when things got rocky she said that there were times I was acting like I was trying to get her to leave me. What do I do next? I actually put her stuff outside and tell her to pick it up. So my friend now tells me that she was having a lot of anxiety about upsetting me and me blowing up and also she was afraid of coming home and find all her stuff boxed up and waiting outside.

As I've thought about things I provided plenty of beta financial support but not much else. I've been thinking about the two stories in DR in the "pulling it all together" section. In one the H realizes that while he thought he was being a good husband by bringing home a paycheck he hadn't been paying attention to his family, so essentially he upped the beta with his wife and kids. Then the next story the W finds her H in an A and at first is all needy, but when she backs off and waits him out in a loving manner he finally comes around.

In the beginning, when I first met her, I think I had a good alpha/beta balance. I was assertive and funny but I also offered to do things for her b/c I wanted to, supported her, and made her feel safe. Once she moved in I became a bit more stubborn about things and over time all the alpha made her feel unsafe.

From what my friend has told me OM is laying on the beta thick, so she might be having that EA where I wasn't providing it so this guy is. DR also says to find out what the OP is doing, and while you don't overdue it to fakeness, you learn what they're doing and step up to the plate b/c they're providing something you weren't/aren't.

That's why I'm worried about boxing everything up and saying something like that. If feels like it'll just be like, "I knew it, he never wanted me here".

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln