I told her that we should try to go to counselling and try to fix our marriage and that we owed it to each other, and most of all to our D3 who will not have a chance at a normal life unless we try.
You'll see it said here often not to push for MC. It never helps. I mean that literally. I have yet to hear a single positive story about MC when one spouse had a foot out the door. It usually hurts matters because it's pressure, and we all know NOT to put any kind of pressure on the WAS.
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I made a silly remark that she has to be open to falling in love with me again, and then I will do the rest.
You should be validating her emotions, not agreeing, disagreeing, reasoning or trying to fix her or her problems. Also there's not really anything you can say to change things. Quit talking and start doing. Show her actions, and make them consistent actions.
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Maybe it is not so silling because after all that is what we are all trying to do here right?
DB'ing is all about working on ourselves while giving our WAS time and space. We hope to draw our WAS back by becoming the spouse only a fool would leave.
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She knows what is the right thing to do which is why she hasn't told her family yet. She has a huge family of about 9 aunts and uncles, 18 with their spouses, and something like 20 cousins. None of them know yet, and I suspect they wont know until she confirms it in her mind that this is what she wants.Her father also does not know. Her mother knows but only because I called her for help that first night and she helped convince my W to come home and not stay the night.
And none of this matters one bit to you, because you are NOT going to tell them, or discuss it with them at all. Right? Because if you do, it will backfire on you badly.
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She has not touched me, but I see baby steps. The first few weeks she was mainting a foot radius around her all the time. Lately i can come near here and she does not move away like I have a contagious disease.
Not sure that's a baby step. Try not to read too much into things. I did, and it gave me hope at a time when there was none. And that led to disappointment. Besides, you should not be going near her. Give her space, that means physically as well as mentally.
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Also, what should be my response to this? I was caught off guard and said "Yes they seem to work great. I have much more energy and I am more alert". But I didn't mention that along with the anti depressant (wellbutrin which is NSSRI not SSRI so it actually helps with Sex Drive) I am feeling much more horny now.
Your response was fine. I wouldn't add anything to it. Don't get into sexual talks unless she brings it up.
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In our marriage I can say we had none of the above. We are best friends, did EVERYTHING together, travelled, had fun, told each other secrets that no one else knew, We always considered each others feelings and opinions. We are great parents and we share in that responsibility.
We shared in waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers and feed our new born, I changed poopy diapers, i burped her, i bathed her, and I took care of the baby and the house while my W recouped from the birth. i was also in the birthing room, holding one leg! So I take part 100% in my wifes and dauighter's life and I know that was very attractive for my W.
I probably have a similar quote to this somewhere in my first thread. The difference in my sitch is W and I always had a great sex life, right up until she left. But there were issues that were my fault. It took me a while to acknowledge them, that's for sure. But I did, and I did 180's on my faults. And now W is talking about "us" again. So don't fall into my trap, don't brainwash yourself into thinking everything was perfect except (in your case) the sex part. I doubt it was just that. Also regarding the sharing of feelings, before RetroV I would have told you my W and I did share our feelings. Now that I've been to RetroV I realize we only did so superficially. They equated emotions to the layers of an onion, you have to peel away layers and layers of emotions to get to the core. And wow, it is so true. I don't think anyone can know how true it is until experiencing RetroV.
