Next Step, Moving On

[mamabird]

I agree that the WAS should be the one to move out. What have you said to her in this regard? This is the time to "get a backbone". I told my H in no uncertain terms that if he was done he needed to leave.

Detachment is very hard but once you get there you will feel better. It is not YOUR problem if your W if cold and angry. It is HER problem. You can get to the place where her emotions don't have any effect on you and your life. For me, it was becoming unbearable to live in a M where I was constantly being disrespected and I had to scratch and claw my way back into a position where I could feel good about me. I do have a lot of fears and insecurities, as we all do but I kept seeing various signs to let me know I would be ok no matter what happened. That has to be your mindset if you want to detach.

Regarding her anger and resentment - for her to tell you that it would take years to get over it is once again HER problem. My DB coach said to me (just hours before my H let me know he was ready to R) that if I didn't drop my anger and resentment, not only would I never R with my H, but that I would take it all into my next R and be a very bitter person. He said he has a lot of clients who can't figure out whey they are all alone - and it's because they've never forgiven whatever and whoever has wronged them over the years.

So YOU work on releasing that anger and resentment and work on forgiving her. He said forgiveness was a choice - it is the choice to give up punishing the other person. You make the choice to forgive her and you move forward now. You work on being the best person you can be and stop worrying about her.

I'd advise you to read DB/DR again about detachment and look for some guidance here. It will help you.