I'm not quite sure what I have on my hands here - I have read the book and it seems to me my Walkaway Wife could also be in the midst of a midlife crisis...
Just after her 39th Birthday in December my Wife told me our marriage was over (we have been married 9 years and have a 8 year old Son together). She said she no longer loved me and couldn't be with me...
I managed to pull her back a little and she agreed to marriage counselling - she only came to two sessions and then decided to think about things whilst staying around the corner at her Mums...
Saturday she told me that "her mind has never been clearer and we were over" she packed a bag and left (to her Mums house). She has said time and time again that she can't be with someone she doesn't love. (Prior to this, every night she told me she loved me).
She came around today to sort out custody of our child - it's 50/50 and I remain in the house - she has officially moved into her parents house...
She told me today that "she was never coming back so I had to accept that and move on". She has told my Sister that "He'll be fine - he'll meet someone else soon".
She was pleasant too me whilst she was packing her stuff away - and even hugged me when she left. She was visibly sad whilst moving her stuff out.
Her Mother who was with her told me "I don't understand this either Carl but I really don't think she will ever come back".
I'm devastated for myself and for my family. She has taken her wedding ring off...
Is it really all over now? What am I dealing with here? I'm so very confused...
Please help.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Welcome, and so sorry you are here! I've only been here 2 months, so I bet people with more experience will chime in.
Have you read Divorce busters or Divorce rememdy? I would suggest that first and foremost.
It is really an amazing way to put the focus on yourself and getting yourself healthy, as well as healthy ways to deal with your spouse.
Michelle says it isn't over, til it's over. My husband, who is having an affair and just ended it 5 days ago, said that when he first told me he wanted a divorce 2 months ago, he knew it was absolutely over. Now he wants our marriage to work. We are still a loooooonnngg way from really even being at the starting line until he really stops all contact with OW, but because of the changes he has seen in me, he is starting to fall back in love with me and has moved back into our bedroom.
One thing I do know, is that I will be fine either way. I will also know that I did everything I could to save my marriage. The 180's have been invaluable to me.
Good luck.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I'm not quite sure what I have on my hands here - I have read the book and it seems to me my Walkaway Wife could also be in the midst of a midlife crisis...
Take a look at the MLC forum for more info to help you figure out if it's that, but based on your OP it sounds more like WAW. The DB'ing approach is mostly the same either way, but it can take the spouse much, much longer to emerge from MLC.
Quote:
Just after her 39th Birthday in December my Wife told me our marriage was over (we have been married 9 years and have a 8 year old Son together). She said she no longer loved me and couldn't be with me...
First, this is pretty typical WAS talk here, so try not to be too upset over it. Second, it's time for you to change. Read DR over and over again. Take stock of the things you've done wrong in the M. Do 180's on those things. Give your W time and space. Expect this to take many months at a minimum. Don't look for immediate changes, you probably won't see positive signs for months and even then they'll be small ones.
Quote:
I managed to pull her back a little and she agreed to marriage counselling - she only came to two sessions and then decided to think about things whilst staying around the corner at her Mums...
Don't push MC on her again. I have yet to hear a positive story of MC when one spouse has a foot out the door. Usually it hurts things because they perceive it as pressure.
Quote:
Saturday she told me that "her mind has never been clearer and we were over" she packed a bag and left
Again, this is typical WAS talk. She may sound 100% sure, but almost always the WAS is confused and in turmoil internally. This statement does not mean it's over.
Quote:
She told me today that "she was never coming back so I had to accept that and move on".
There was a WAW posting here a while back and she told her H this over and over again. After around 6 months he did move on. Then the WAW's fog suddenly lifted and she wanted her H back, but she found out he was dating OW by then. At that point she became the LBS. The only point I'm making is don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does (that's one of the DB 180 tips).
Quote:
Is it really all over now?
No, not at all.
Quote:
Please help.
That's why we're here Read DR and get started on the recommendations right away. It's no guarantee it'll bring your W back, but there are plenty of success stories to keep you motivated, some in the book and others on these forums. Good luck!
Also what is it with these walkaway wives? My sister saw my wife at school yesterday - she went in to tell our sons teacher about it - apparently she was sobbing. Hardly the sign of a happy woman.
When I asked her yesterday if she was happy now she just replied "no, but I will be - this is the only way forward"
I just want to shake her at the moment and make her realise what she is doing too our son. What kind of mother would do this without even fighting for their marriage? Surely she can't be happy only seeing her son 3 times a week and living with her parents?
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Well we went to our last couples counselling today.
She is adamant that this will give her a better life. She can't be with me, doesn't like my attitude and doesn't and won't love me and apparently things have been wrong for a long time and our counsellor suggested that perhaps we were never compatible.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Read DR and get started on the recommendations right away. It's no guarantee it'll bring your W back, but there are plenty of success stories to keep you motivated, some in the book and others on these forums. Good luck!