My parent is still hanging in there and I am grateful for the time that we have left together. I have not confided this situation as it would only cause unecessary upset. I am grateful for this Board for being my "safe place".
With regard to my DB'ing efforts, when I am unable to post for a few days, I am always a bit surprised at the obvious ups and downs and emotions that only three days can bring.
After six months, I had hoped to be a little more steady.
Had a bit of an awful day on Friday (18th). And even after doing really well and not initiating contact with SO, I fell off the wagon and texted him. Just something funny, a bit of an inside joke. He replied instantly and we kept up the exchange for quite a few texts. I made sure he was the last text.
The exchange was positive, upbeat and made me laugh and for just a little while, I felt better. And then I thought of the GF and of how little support I am receiving from him and crashed. I hate that he has a GF.
So, I put my DB'ing hat back on for the weekend. NC for Saturday. Sunday morning, he sent a text and then 20 minutes later, he called from his cell phone, no message. I wasn't home to receive the call and my phone was off so I never received the text. I dislike getting calls from his cell phone because it means that he is not at home which makes my imagination run wild - is he at her place? Coming from her place? Yech.
I texted back later that afternoon.
At this very moment, I feel ANGRY. Angry at the whole situation - the cheating, the lying, the GF. And I am angry that he thinks everything is just dandy between us. No doubt when his family asks if he has talked to me, he can say yes, we're still friends! No hard feelings! At times (like now) all I want to do is tell him, please do not contact me ever again, leave me alone. I doubt he'd be that bothered. But not only is that my anger talking, it is also my pride. In my hurt state, I want to be the one to walk away from him and for him to have no doubt that walking away was MY choice. That does not sound very DB-ish, does it?
I think I am just frustrated at the moment. I have been reading some older threads and through advice and encouragement given to others, I can see that there are some positives in my situation - like at least he IS contacting me (thank you KML for pointing that out!) and that the venemous spew seems a thing of the past. The truth is though, I wish I was seeing some progress.
But to me, he seems fairly sure of what he is doing - he is moving on with his life and is content to have me as a side bar. Whatever he needs right now, he is getting it from GF. Maybe that is why the desperate contact stopped - they were cooling off but now they are back on.
For now, I will stick to the DB plan and not initiate contact and see where that leads us. Any more suggestions?
Feel like I am in my own spin cycle.
On another note, I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but in case someone needs some encouragement today, my aunt and uncle separated for 5 years and then reconciled and have been happy and together ever since (about ten years now).
