even though, in my case, I could at work in the duty of my job, but at home with W? Heck no! The closeness and deep personalness made it too risky I imagine, for me to have the confidence that I have at work.
i find it alot easier in a professional setting as well- everything. it's sooo well-defined and just easier.
thanks for the communication & meditation (typed medication - freudian?? or what) info - in your other post- i'm copying it to save. you recommended something once before i lik3d and printed. got to go find it. maybe constructive conflict management info (everything i own has been lost during last two years - no kidding)
marbles mostly.
when you were talking about spew - i was thinking this h of mine never has "talked" and never really "spews". BUT THEN - NEWS FLASH POSSIBLY- sooo, would several years of being itchie & scratchie & critical & confrontational and me (of course) going toe to toe - is that SPEW? TOO. when i hear it i envision someons standing there letting loose. he just was a miserable stinking edgie crab alllll the time. i walked on eggs - i never thought of that as same thing- but whattyathink?
i think in retrospect he was just trying to make me fight so he could tell himself i'm awful - and we're really unhappy- because he knew what he was doing & treasonous - and i was entirely clueless...guilt? but could it be spew ? or is that something else entirely?
or is this just caught up in the words and doesn't matter a bit. i do like lables & follwoing the rules & guidelines
i do need to breath - i'm going to go have a fast walk & burn it off- best thing. well, that and paint. i paint walls lke mad.
Quote:
I think actually BOTH persons can be too giving and too selfish, I think W and I traded roles there depending on the issue.
maybe us too- it's hard to look back and winkle out every single little tiny rivelet & stream. here am i on the edge of an ocean- (i'm a lousy swimmer btw) -
i still fear inciting a riot - i hate feeling the aftermath of jumbled feelings & hurt after i get "whammed" (or so it feels). maybe i'm a big martyr? no objectivity- avoidance today for me.
you know- this make a plan. i find it difficult- i loosely want to feel happy and calm in life. i need a job "in the end" i know- don't dread it - dread finding it. something will turn up. might need to walk away- no guts yet for that. i don't know what else to plan about or for.
i've never been much of a "lifes plan" kinda gal- i'm a stinkin floater - aquarian. peace - love & happiness man.
got none- i am BREATHING -i'll go walk & printout the tips & study- if i can learn something new- i feel waaay better- thanks. need that man input sometimes-
