Just me

[subguy]

OK subguy, looks like I've used your thread to journal. Thanks.

lol your most welcome.

Me, too! I've been reading posts on here for over a year now and I see so many people come and go, many people drift away when it gets tough. You would think the tough part is when S left but for most people the tough part is looking in the mirror, seeing what needs to be fixed and fixing it.

For some it seems easier to not work on themselves, get into a new R which validates them to themselves (see, I'm not so bad) and then be surprised when that R follows the same trajectory.

Hhmm interesting thought, I think that is it in a nut shell. The WAS has the same characteristics. Refusing to look at themselves and blaming others for their unhappiness. The LBS gets a good does of reality at BD, it takes the WAS a lot longer to get the 2X4, maybe never. I must work on me because I don't like reruns, they are boring. lol

I want to get to the place where I want a R, but don't need one. A place where my life is good, I do things I want, enjoy my work, volunteer with things that are important to me, travel, go to movies, music events, plays.

Thats what I want and it is tough sitting here and not "dating". Thinking and analyzing. My IC basically said we got married young and never really dated much so we did not have a chance to grow through failed relationships. We did not get to figure out what we wanted in a relationship and how to ask for it. Basically we did not grow up and now my W is wanting out instead of doing the tough work of looking at herself. My desire is she will want to change herself. I cannot manipulate her into change. I cannot wish her into change. I cannot beg her into change. I cannot be nice enough for her to change. She has to want to change. Basically the pain of change has to be less than the pain of staying in her current situation. This is all in perspective, her perspective right now is it's less painful to walk away. Hopefully through my actions she will she that change is a good thing and it brings on wonderful things in life. Leading a rich and fulfilling life, being a blessing to others, being a blessing to myself.

Bug, you seem strong and in a good place, that is my ultimate desire to be strong and independent. A strong and independent me will be desirable to others and either my wife will or will not want some. I will learn how to validate others feelings, I will learn how to constructively communicate my wants and desires, I will learn to listen for others that are asking to have their wants and desires filled (with that I will learn how to recognize my boundary limits and how to control them). I will become a friend, lover, dad, brother, uncle etc. that I've always wanted.