I KNOW- I SOUND very neurotic today- but it's occurring to me about your H , that i'm thinking he cares on some level or he wouldn't be there - coming back - hanging in there despite your "permission" to go being granted. i'd think he seems himself as part of your family. his actions or words aside - his big action is continuing to exist within your realm of influence.
he's probably not aware (nor is mine) that they are as attached as they are - and thinks he wants nothing more than freedom from you or me. YET - they always turn up again. i continually wait for him to announce he is "done" & leaving . I continually fear i'll go bonkers and just say it myself and kabam. i don't even know if it would be a good thing or bad- -
your H - depression asied & evrything aside - - i'd guess maybe deeeeeeeeep in his subconscious his heart knows he will not want to have you gone from his life. this is the confusing part- it might be mlc - but it's having his cake too. i hate the expression now- it's my h too - somehow the mlc is supposed to make us sympathetic instead of insulted & rejected. BUT - THE ACTIONS ARE THERE - so we've got to consider them. i've said a million times in life that with my h and my mother- they cannot express emotion AT ALL - never a kind word - they would die. BUT their acts are kind - alot of the time they are thoughtful- they keep us in their lives one way or the other- WTF - we have compassion & guilt and so on- we look at the acts - we interpret- we go nuts from the crossed signals.
I THINK YOU HAVE EXHAUSTION - HONESTLY- I THINK mentally and emotionally you have just reached the end of that particular rope. maybe this is truly what everyone is calling "detachment" - you just don't care what he's doing. ya think? much like you- i'm thinking it's just not love anymore. BUT THEN you say things like "ride it out" and i say things like not talking today because i may blow up - and mwd says feelings come and go.
is there any chance for you to just get away? i keep thinking i need the same thig- but there's no where i want to go and no one i want to go with. boooorring... fMAYBE GIANT MENTAL TRIP- anything you love to do and can go do? i need to follow this advice too- the "obligations" in life arekilling me and i don't even have kids or a job at the moment- how stupid am i to squander any free time "doing chores" when i should be dancin on a table somewhere with a lampshade on my head? i'm off to be "not a dope" today I hope. think i'll try avoidance another day.
it's the ow thing that is killing you and me - which of us deserves rejection and being compared to some stupid cow that seems alllllll wonderful for whatever reason????? i'm askin ya- neither. soooo- do we go with "they are mentally unstable" and be understanding yet another day? where is your head today-
