Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Well, after 6 months of DB and finally moving to the brink of separation, I have to say I never ever thought I'd be here.

My last thread:

Still walking the path to my own happiness

A week ago, my H left for a business trip. The last thing we discussed before he left was our upcoming MC session with a new counselor, where we would discuss coparenting and communication.

I practiced NC but he contacted me on chat and called and asked to speak with me after talking to our kids. I was open to talking with him but thought it was all a little out of character. When he returned from his trip, he told me that he was ready to give our marriage a try - for a year. I put my wedding ring back on right away.

I wasn't sure how to take it or what I was feeling - after 7 months of separation and eventually reaching that critical point where you know you'll be ok no matter what happens. I was truly ready to separate and to be ok with it.

My good friends here have given me some great advice: keep expectations low, now is when the hard work really begins, this is a brand new R, look for some tools to change our patterns.

So far, after a few days, we are doing ok. Easing back into it. I am trying to be affectionate and appreciative. I haven't noticed H reaching out per se but for now, his declaration to move past all of our stuff and try to work on things is huge. We have had some physical affection but I'm not sure it's coming naturally to him yet. No ILY's and he has not put his ring back on.

Communication will be a big one for us. I ordered Gottman's book for the both of us to read, as I think it will help us recognize some of the destructive patterns we've fallen into. Retrouvaille could be an option in the future. H is still getting frustrated with me but I've been pushing him to work the issues through vs. walking away from the discussion.

Something that frustrates him a lot is when I don't agree with him right away. We've already had this happen 3 times over the weekend - once about our neighbor (heated discussion), once about hanging a photo in my son's room and once about when it was appropriate to leave a friend's house. It's hard for him to listen to my side of things and to meet in the middle. For example, his solution to the last thing was, "Well, if I say it's time to go you should just realize I have a good reason for saying that." My point was that if he wants to change our plan, I want to know why he's doing that.