Ya, I think I do need to figure out the why. I think it may be affecting other things in my life. You are 100% spot on when you refer to the aspect of putting aside the why, at least for now, and simply recognizing when I have, or am about to, disengage and choose not to. This is what I have been doing for sometime now. I see it clear as day when it is happening. It's almost like I am outside myself looking at me. I say, "hey, back up there for a minute, hold off on that instinctual response, and think about it for a second. Is this really what you want to do? Is this really who you want to be?" Then I choose to re-engage. Whether it is accepting something offered to me (when before I would choose to presume that they really would rather not to do what they were offering) or if it's about me not allowing the sadness I have take over. I accept it, I am sad sometimes, it hurts sometimes, my heart was hurting today, but I went out with friends and played soccer and watched football anyway.
But, yes, I need to understand the "why". It will help me recognize more things that I am still not seeing. I can't do this again with the next woman, whomever that may be, I can't have an X3 due to this same issue...another issue, perhaps, but not this issue.
