Sexless marriage. H Left. Now retrouvaille in 3wks

[Accuray]

That's very typical that the WAS contemplates their departure for months or years before they tell the LBS. During that period is when they are very vulnerable to affairs which then make everything worse.

Did you read "The Sex Starved Marriage" by MWD?

It would be worth a read. My marriage was sex starved and I can tell you first hand that it is very damaging and builds deep resentments -- but it is not all your fault, you are taking on too much. You felt neglected in other ways and were not getting your needs met either. SSM is a symptom of a negatively reinforcing cycle of not getting your needs met which leads to sexual withholding and emotional distancing which makes your needs even less likely to be met which leads to resentment and therefore more withholding and around you go.

Your H is incredibly resentful and that's not going to move out quickly. Chances are that you are very resentful as well but it is masked by grief, guilt and loss.

If you haven't already I think you need to speak your peace with your husband and then let him do what he will. It's the only way he may someday return -- drop the rope now.

I would tell him that you would like a new marriage with him, including a fulfilling sex life, that you recognize the pattern that drove the two of you apart and now feel that you have the tools to manage it. I would tell him that you regret your part in this, but that it was not borne of spite or selfishness, but of hurt and deprivation. I would tell him that you understand that he harbors anger and resentment and that you are sorry about that and understand that you both have to live your lives. Tell him that you wish him a rich and fulfilling life, preferably with you, but even if not you are confident that you will be okay.