You know what Tad, you're simply still grieving the woman that once was.
The marriage that once was.
That's all. And it's ok!
It's a Bitch! But it's ok!
I think we mourn it so deeply because we still have very much unfinished business with these spouses of ours. And if that's not bad enough they're still walking around "haunting" us, with their weird contacts and such.
Honestly it's would be easier if they had died. I've heard so many people say that. I agree! It's been so painful to see XH act like Old Husband from time to time and then realize the situation we're in now. Like a horrible nightmare you can't wake from.
I agree with how it really is with people that remain friends after divorce. Honestly a mutual agreement and amicable divorce is the only way I can see being friends with the ex spouse. That's how I felt about XH. He pulled the "friends" behavior and just wouldn't leave it alone! But like you, true friends don't do that to others.