What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[albamarie]

Journaling,
Well, here it is Sunday and we have had a family issue come up that we are not sharing w/not-H. The five of us have come together without him and were actually getting the hang of doing just that.

Sat night my MIL came over on a bus to visit her son that she now see's has lost his mind. My spanish is limited but I got the gist of the conversation thanks to goole translate.

Basically he spent another 2 hrs saying to her that he doesn't want anything to do with this family and he doesn't care about us all. Next thing we hear her bust out in English, family is everything - your wrong for saying that, they go back and fourth, your wrong, no your wrong, no, yes, no, yes. In English this she sternly say's, what's wrong with you.

The only reply he had for the evening was he's angry and he's done with us, her and his brothers. He told her it's her fathers fault for selling his land that would have made us a rich family today. Her fault for excepting life's hardships while he was growing up, she should have been angry.

Now, he's going to be angry for everything, and never be a good person again because only bad people push forward and get a head in life.

I feel as if the more he says these things the more callous I am becoming, in a bad way though, like a person who doesn't care anymore. My C said h has become indifferent, but isn't that how am now becoming toward H?

I have been told not to listen to his spew, and go by his actions. Well, his actions are confusing, and at times contradicting. When his mom left he went into cleanup mode collecting all the small cans from the rooms to dump into one large one and set the garbage out to the curb. He cleaned the counters, and picked up the living rm.

He still comes home everyday, shows up to the very house he "asks" to be released from. Works, and searches for side jobs for the extras as he always has, and actually spending less when he's at work sacrificing lunch to save money. And, today asking me if the stereo was to loud and seeking me out to tell me he found the band he was looking for.

Funny, I don't remember paying for or getting on this ride, can we stop the wheel soon, I'm getting nauseous.

Ride it out...that's really all that's left to do. I feel one difference between me and most of the posts (actually all) that I have read so far, (and, please if you know of one let me know), I don't love my H anymore.

I have not come across one post where the LBS is saying that. I don't want to reconcile with him, I don't love him. Any thoughts...I am open to all opinons! Some of you may think I'm being protective or just that hurt, that done, please share, maybe help me see where this is coming from.

thanks