Just back from a lovely date myself with the new Love Avoidant guy. Ok - before Barb and Oldtimer start reading me the riot act - I'll just say, I've learned a few things about myself thinking about this all the past couple of weeks:
1) I pick these guys because I, right now, am kinda Love Avoidant myself. I need to own up to that. I'm not ready for a guy who wants a full relationship - what I would like is something in the middle, a guy I see sometimes and talk to often, but who doesn't clutter up my very busy life. Since those aren't so easy to find, I've been ending up with more severely Love Avoidant guys. But I have to confess, they've suited me better than guys who want the whole enchilada. For now.
2) I have to stop calling New Love Avoidant guy that. He needs another name - how about Artist Guy? Because I find that while the LA paradigm is useful, I am also making ASSumptions based on that label I have given him - assumptions that are turning out to be wrong. So, while accepting that he IS Love Avoidant, I need to acknowledge that he's not nearly the same as the previous boyfriend I'm expecting him to act like - and, in fact, in many ways he's much more similar to me. So I need to just stop my controlling ways and let him show me who he is. So far, he's showing me he has a lot more room for me in his life than I initially thought.
