I am trying not to get dragged into his drama, but it's hard.
I have not yet responded to his email of a couple days ago and this morning received a new email asking me to respond or he will "take other action" - i.e. go to court.
If i say "I can not guarantee that our meeting with mediator will create an agreement " as bklyn suggested, I know that he will use it as a trigger to refuse to attend mediation.
Thought maybe just say: "My preference is to settle asap via mediation".
Thought about leaving out 'asap' as it suggests that it won't be 'possible' without documentation, but this is getting ridiculously analytical.
Also thought about simply saying 'Whatever', and leaving it at that....
Had a thought this morning that perhaps this push to court on his behalf is some sort of unconscious desire to ruin himself and his business. So that the whole mess is all over and done with.
He MUST know that if he goes to court he will be required to produce the documentation I have been requesting. And he must also know that his tax records and business dealings will not stand up to scrutiny in a court of law.
Just wondering if anyone else has seen these blatant self-destructive tendencies in mlc-ers?
It's like he can't hit rock bottom while he has OW (and me) to cover his debts and living expenses, so he's taking the only course of action that will ensure that he is destroyed financially. It will surely also mean that OW will find out that he is monumentally in debt and not the highly successful b-man that he has portrayed himself to be.
Lots of fun over our traditional birthday breakfast of huge slabs of birthday cake.
She called her dad, but he said he was busy working and couldn't come and join us.
She is working for the rest of the day and then seeing her grandparents for dinner and going out with her friends. He suggested seeing her when she's finished (i.e. at 11pm). She has work tomorrow at 7.30am...
Anyway, D16, S14 and i went out to a big festival last night. Lots of music, dancing and drinking (not so much of the latter for us). Would never have gone to something like this 'on my own' as it were, before but now I have no problem at all. A good time for the kids and lots of fun. We were laughing like drains in the car on the way home over some funny stuff that we'd seen.
Stbx seems more and more like a distant memory.
Measured the kids for our bathroom door marking records: S14 is now taller than his sister (triumph!). Both of them are now about 5 inches taller than me. Oh dear, how my babies have grown.
NLW sounds like you had a great time at the festival! So glad to hear it :-)
Happy Birthday to D17!
You sound like you are doing good NLW. Keep it up. I am right here with you xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
My preference /intention is to settle asap via mediation.
Might as well have saved my time because his reply was as follows:
"Is this confirmation that you do not require further information from me to make your decisions regarding settlement?"
I feel even more stuck now.
If i reply any way other than to say I will not require any documentation regarding our assets/liabilities, he will refuse to attend mediation.
If I reply again I feel like I'm just being drawn into an unending argument with him. If i don't reply, he'll cancel the mediation appointment.
I feel as if I'm being positioned as the one who made it necessary for him to go to court to seek settlement (and therefore the cause of the financial hardship/ruin that will entail).
I know I can't control whether he goes to mediation or not. But is there any benefit in replying to his email? (I'm thinking maybe of something like:
"I honestly don't know."
Not replying seems evidence of non-cooperation/rudeness, but what on earth can I say?
I feel like he's often put me in these impossible situations in our M - regarding financial matters.
If i had some money, I'd say that going to court was the way to go. His bullying is making me physically ill.
But I just don't have enough money to pay the debts, mortgage, school fees, etc., let alone lawyers' fees.
I was hoping that the mediator would explain to stbx the need to provide documentation of assets and liabilities. Hoping that SOMEONE other than me would tell him the obvious. But it looks like he won't go to mediation unless I agree to settle without documentation.
In the meantime, MIL and FIL came over this evening, bringing pizza and cake for D17's birthday.
They suggested playing Monopoly with us and we had a fun time. A good old- fashioned family night.
Stbx rang twice today but I didn't answer. Basically I was feeling too ill and anxious to take his calls. I thought that he would just be strong-arming me. He's probably emailed again by now but I know better than to look at this time of the night - it always keeps me awake fretting.
