You RLA without even realizing maybe, have given me some valuable insight. You all have.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
RLA - I'm really happy for this turn of events. I got hung up in my own drama for a bit and now trying to get caught back up and here you are. Keep doing what you've been doing and don't let expectation get out of control. Take it nice and slow and enjoy the moment. I'd give anything to be where you are now. Keep up the good work!!!
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I want to congratulate you for being at this junction, where you have a REAL chance with your H. I think almost everyone on these boards would love to be in your place right now (at least I would).
I have been following your thread in the background for a while because I admit that I have seen a lot of myself in you. I hope you don't take it the bad way, but I so relate to what 25 and your coach have told you. It's like they were speaking to me through you. I have been so angry and resentful that I am even embarrassed to admit it. I know how hard it is to let go of the past, of the bad dynamics, of the hurt...
So as someone who has been stuck (in a HUGE way) for a VERY long time, I want to wish you great success, not only in your reconciliation efforts, but in your personal journey. As long as we are alive, we will have a chance to change that in ourselves and at least for me, I am not giving up on myself.
Yet you have the additional opportunity NOW to turn things around also with your H and get the life that you want and get rid of all the dead weight you may be carrying inside.
I have no hopes of R at this time and that is why I really, really am cheering for you. Seize this chance, let go of the past and make the best of yourself and your M everyday. You deserve it!
I will be following your progress and hoping the best for you.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
So happy for you RLA! What a wonderful turn of events :-)
As they say, take it slow and keep working on yourself too.
Much love to you an your family xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
You will both need new tools for rebuilding your marriage into something it may not have ever been before, or not for some time. We went to Retrovaille a few months into piecing, when we learned that my MIL had terminal cancer. She was the impetus b/c it was definitely a curve ball in terms of timing, and it was a HUGE event for my h, of course. But at first he was super irritable and that was NOT okay for me, within a short amount of time. Not b/c I was impatient so much as I saw it as us backsliding so I knew we needed some loving tools for managing that. And it really helped.
We've also done personal workshops over the years that I highly recommend for our own "stuff" and he certainly has some.
Can you think about that? And if you choose to get some tools, offer to get them with your h, OR WITHOUT...and if it's without h or if he wants to get his on his own--that's fine. If So, then You model your new ways of coping and resolving conflict, as a way of sharing them w/him.
Does that make sense to you?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
LA, 25 has great advice above. You know that you need some new coping skills and are aware of what to look for in your H is he is really ready to move forward.
Best of luck and keep us updated on how it goes. I truly hope that your H has forgiven you. Just remember that this will be a new R, keep your expecatations low and play it cool.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
