nero, Your h has a lot of issues to resolve. I do think he'll work through a lot of them, but it's going to take some time and patience. It's difficult for them to look within and realize that they have to face these issues. That's why a lot of these mlcers don't come full circle.
For example, my xh has been gone for 13 years, but began his journey about 2-3 years prior to flying the coop. He's still out there trying to be a young adult, socializing w/men in their early 20's/30's. Dressing like a teenager and drinking like a fish and he just turned 60 today. He did marry the twinkle twat, but it's not been such an easy road the last 2 years because she was diagnosed w/ovarian cancer and has been undergoing chemo since October 2011. The first few years of their married life was bar hopping, partying and going to all sports games and activites. They both were party hounds. Now, he's the one that's going out and socialing w/the guys while she's home taking it easy.
Will he ever wake up? I seriously doubt it. He is an avoider and a professional "sweep it under the rug" type of guy. He's rather choose to ignore a person who's gotten on his sh@t list than to work things out w/the person. So, I don't see him ever facing his issues and dealing w/them. The genie in the bottle is his best friend these days. So sad.
The only thing you can do is take care of you and know that you are loved by family and friends and we are here to support you. Please, please do not drink the kool-aid he offers up when he does contact you...it is all projection and he's trying to justify why he left you. You are too good of a person to allow him to drag you down into the rabbit hole.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
