You said "Some who come out of it will claim they didnt feel in control of themselves, come on."
Yep is all I can say. I feel I'm the most balanced person in life now but for 2 - 2 1/2 totally lost mentally in the MLC. Functioning daily was a struggle. I'm just telling you this from someone that came through it and actually recognized the whole journey from normal to crazy and then finally back to normal. As I have said previously, not many make it back in tact.
Your post hit home because much of what you talk about I have experienced as well. The "say it aint so" "is this real stuff". I get it. I feel for you and I feel this is normal functioning. If you can get to the point that these are moments your going to have and just let them enter and then pass through without any putting any power in them then your doing fine. In fact I love reading your posts. they are genuine. You know exactly where you are in your journey. You don't BS yourself. Life is being in the present. I think you live it well.
I have met 3 people in the last month. Two men and one woman. In the two mens case, one was a schoolmate. His wife left him and his their 3 kids. He said he never stopped loving her. He would talk to her occassionally about the kids. She texted him 5 years later and they are currently back together. the other guy, I met along with his wife. She left him and there daughter and disappeared for 3 1/2 years. I asked her why? She said she went nuts, off the train. Could not explain it at all and I ask her some in depth questions. They are back together.
The other situatuion, The guy left and moved in with the secretary(the cliche MLC story). They are now back together as well.
Trauma or not, MLC or not, we are on a journey thorugh this thing we call life. There is a quote I love from the buddhist side of things. "Life is not suffering, but you will suffer it"
Antonia, I just want you to know you are not alone in much of what you write. Getting to know yourself is probably the most difficult task we have. Society, wants, people, your mind get in the way. Throw on top of it an MLC from the truly one person we thought would support our journey and there you have it.
Become your own best friend in this life. Who else is present in your life all day every day.
