Is his mother still alive? Did he have any contact w/her pre-crisis? He's going to have to deal w/his abandonment issues as he travels the path too.
she left at age 12 - he didn't talk to her for years til after college - his dad did number on his brain throughout rest of youth - about the mom breakng up fam. & being a "sinner" - evil - etc. - - -
then he went to law school - when he got out and i met him - he was clerking in my office - then working - he was going to her condo on weekends to play tennis & visit. we moved in together nd he quit playing tennis altogether. just like that- of his own accord! (it's apparently his big love in life- but he never even did it til he retired???)
- we entertained her & fam on holidays, etc. she is an amazingly self-centered woman. gets up in middle of thanksgiving dinner - when her other son had just announced they were having a baby- and proceeded to regale evryone with tales of how she was too young & beautiful(?) to be a grandmother - me me me me me - look at me - it's about me
she is quite a jerk/character. their contact dwindled then for about ten or so years- he'd see her at the tennis courts (she and new h were competitors and tennis was/is their life) - until about six or 7 years ago- he had made friends with all her "friends" at courts- he'd won them all over- she was jealous - he was overtly making fun of her i think & she knew it- so she had some minor tiff with a totally obnoxious guy and my h got all outraged (?) (tempest in teapot) and CUT HER OFF - big time. all of a sudden he decided he'd tried - but she was a person he didn't like. too selfish- too self involved, etc. (??) hasn't spoken to her since.
she sneaks & watches him at courts sometimes- he runs away & hides. oh man... am i saying this all out loud.?
i've offered over years to make it happen- he says no and i don't push it- his life - his fam.
HEY WAIT- your question- i'd say he stopped talking to her about 2-3 yrs into what he now says was ten years of being "unhappy". - and i'm still saying truthfully- it all seemed to begin with him quitting smoking - no kidding. he was wonderful on that "drug"...calm & sweet & in control & nice.
that's where it stands. with him- as short as i could make it. I've said bury it with mother too- he swears he won't feel a thing when she dies. her h is still around and other son is "her child". my h does not speak to his brother either.
when brother's wife died a couple years ago - didn't even acknowledge it. didn't go to his wedding, etc. cut off everyone but dad..... (his dad btw never saw other son at all- said "now i have one child" and stuck to it for past 50 years. what a group huh?
what the heck do we make of it all-
thanks for the encouragement and kind words about it not being ALLLLLL MYYYYYYYY FAULTTTTTTT. OH MAN- the blame thing is really something. back in beginning i told him don't put it on me- i'll accept (at best) 50% cause i'm a reasonable person- not all, not for his junk.
